


Expiration Date

by GeekLover



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-17
Updated: 2012-12-17
Packaged: 2017-11-21 08:22:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 35,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/595573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeekLover/pseuds/GeekLover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just before receiving vital treatment for cancer, Arthur meets Merlin and his life is turned upside down when one night with Merlin results in an unforeseen pregnancy. To protect the baby, Arthur refuses the treatment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Expiration Date

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the merlinmpreg community fest. Longer version than was originally posted. Special thanks to my beta dustfinger223. I'm not a doctor just play one while writing fic. :) I did a lot of research, and tried to be as realistic as I could, but I'm sure I didn't get everything right and there was some dramatic license taken.

Arthur watched his friends and smiled. Gwen and Lancelot’s annual New Year’s party was a success as usual. They had just counted down to midnight and the couples had their New Year’s kiss, some going on a little longer than necessary. Gwen and Lancelot watched Gwaine and Ganieda’s somewhat pornographic display, with a mixture of fondness and apprehension. Everything was the same as it always was. It gave him some comfort to know that his friends would always have this, even if he weren’t around to enjoy it.

Before he could get too maudlin, Ganieda sashayed over with a big grin. She threw her arm around him. “I thought you knew the rules. There are no frowns allowed at a Gwen and Lancelot soiree.” Arthur smiled wanly. “I think we forgot to say thank you for the limo ride.”

This got a genuine smile from Arthur. “I know how you like to arrive in style.” Gwaine and Ganieda always liked arriving to a party in a limousine, dressed to the nines. Ganieda said it felt like going to the BAFTAs.

“You are a kind and generous friend, Arthur Pendragon.” She smiled brightly at him, before turning suddenly solemn. She tucked a lock of her dark brown hair behind her ear. “You can tell them, you know.”

Arthur furrowed his brow at her. “Tell who what?”

“Don’t play dumb with me, Arthur. It doesn’t suit you.”

Arthur continued to look bemused. Recognition suddenly dawned on him and he rolled his eyes. “Right. How am I always forgetting you’re a bloody psychic?”

She sighed. “I don’t blame you. It’s just one of my many talents.”

Ganieda claimed to have magic. She was one of the only people Arthur knew who had it. Arthur was admittedly a little skeptical. It was something he had trouble believing without proof. While a lot of Ganieda’s predictions came true, not all of them did. Whenever a failed prediction occurred Ganieda said it wasn’t her fault. She said that she only saw one of many possible futures and she couldn’t always control what happened.

Arthur turned and walked into Gwen and Lance’s small kitchen, more of a kitchenette really and fiddled with the hand on the refrigerator. “I can’t say anything to them. This is supposed to be a celebration. This isn’t exactly the most festive of news.”

“No one will care. This is going to be a hard year and you need your friends."

Arthur sighed and was about to reply when Gwen interrupted. "What are you two doing in here?" She raised an eyebrow dramatically. "You weren't snogging were you? You know Gwaine would be disappointed...

"...That we didn't invite him to join." All three laughed loudly.

“Come on.” Gwen put her arms around both Arthur and Ganieda. “It’s time for the question of the night.” Arthur groaned inwardly. Arthur loved Gwen and her predictability, but he was not in any mood for what he knew was coming.

Everyone gathered in Gwen and Lance’s sparsely decorated living room. Both Gwen and Lance were students, she was soon to be a qualified teacher and Lance had just graduated medical school, and couldn’t afford much. Gwen and Lance shared the black leather sofa. Ganieda and Gwaine sat on the futon by the coffee table in the center of the room and Arthur took the black arm chair. Gwen looked around the room. “I know everyone knows what I’m going to ask, but I’m going to do it anyway. It’s tradition and I’m nothing if not traditional.”

“Says the woman living in sin with her boyfriend.” Gwaine teased. Ganieda kicked his shin. “Ow! Gwen knows I’m only teasing. Besides, I think living in sin is the only rational way to live. Marriage is such a-

Ganieda clamped her hand over his mouth before Gwaine could yet again go on an anti-marriage tirade. “As you were saying, Gwen?”

“Yes. Before I was so rudely interrupted,” she winked at Gwaine. “I was going to ask everyone to say what is the most important thing that they hope to achieve this year. Since I asked the question, I’ll start. After getting my Postgraduate Certificate in Education, I hope that I can find a job here in London.” She raised her wine glass and toasted. “Cheers.”

Lancelot went next. "I will finally be completing my Foundation Training and hope to join my preferred Foundation School.” He took a sip of champagne as well.

“I’m hoping that I can convince my brother to come and stay with me and stop running away from his problems.” Ganieda smiled sadly. “I miss him.” Gwaine put his arm around her and kissed her on top of the head as she took a sip of her drink. Gwen squeezed her hand sympathetically. No one had met Ganieda’s twin brother, Merlin. He had left before Gwaine had started going out with Ganieda.

Gwaine chugged his drink and stood up. “I really, really hope to get Ganieda to reconsider the sexual position that she refuses to do. And, I know you’re wondering, I’m not talking about a-” Ganieda pulled him down and clapped her hand over his mouth again while everyone else groaned, with Lance putting his hands over Gwen’s ears. “Too much?” Gwaine feigned innocence.

“And that’s your _yearlong_ goal?” Gwen asked in disbelief.

“I can tell you that’ll be a _lifelong_ goal because it is never going to happen,” Ganieda interjected.

Gwen laughed and was shaking her head as she turned to Arthur. “Sorry you have to follow that, Arthur.”

Arthur just nodded absently and took a deep breath. He had no idea what to say. It was rare for him to be tongue tied. The only time he got like that was around his father. “Um, for this year I...” He faltered and looked at Ganieda, who silently nodded. “I have cancer.” It was like deja vu watching the smiles slowly fade from their faces and the furrowed brows. “I suppose it would be more accurate to say the cancer is back. I’m no longer in remission. I’m scheduled for radiation therapy in eight weeks. I have a 30-40% chance of survival.” He paused and glanced at his friends, who still wore matching stunned faces. “So I guess my goal for the year is...to survive.” He picked up his glass. “Uh...cheers?”

 

~*~

The reactions this time weren’t that different from the last time he told them he had cancer. After consoling a sobbing Gwen, he was enveloped in a ten minute hug by Lance. While it should have been uncomfortable, Lance’s voice was so soothing and presence so comforting, Arthur felt better than he had in weeks. Plus, he had to admit he’d had a huge crush on Lance years ago. Ganieda was sitting by a still speechless Gwaine. Gwaine speechless was certainly a rare occurrence.

After finally extricating himself from Lance, Arthur walked over to Gwaine and sat by his side. A few seconds passed and Gwaine turned to him. “I have something to say.”

“I knew that wouldn’t last long.”

“As someone who has saved your life in the past, you owe it to listen to me.”

Arthur resisted rolling his eyes. Gwaine always liked to take credit for Arthur’s initial diagnosis. When they were 16, Gwaine had smuggled in a bottle of vodka into their prep school. Despite having only a limited amount, Arthur had a severely negative reaction, throwing up profusely and then passing out. After a physical exam and some blood tests Arthur was diagnosed with cancer. Only Gwaine could take credit for saving someone by landing them in the hospital, but Arthur did have to admit that he did feel enormously grateful to Gwaine, not just for inadvertently leading to his diagnosis, but for always sticking by him. He sighed and looked at Gwaine. “Dazzle me with your wisdom.”

Gwaine grinned. “I told you this last time, but you didn’t listen. So I’m going to say it again, two words, bucket list.”

This time Arthur did roll his eyes. “And my answer is the same as last time - you’re an idiot. I’m rich, Gwaine. There’s not really a whole lot I haven’t had the opportunity to do.”

“It’s not about your money, princess. You may have had the opportunity, but you’ve never taken advantage. Need I remind you that you’re still a virgin?”

Arthur’s face went extremely red and he looked around to make sure no one else heard. “That is none of your business.”

Gwaine clapped him on the shoulder. “Look, it’s not your fault. You have tyrant for a father, who acts more like your jailer than your dad.”

Arthur didn’t bristle at Gwaine’s comment about his father, not only was it mostly true, but he was used to people calling his father things a lot worse than tyrant. Being Uther Pendragon’s son in this town was not easy. “My father has nothing to do with this, Gwaine.”

“Then why not do it?” Gwaine asked.

“I don’t know. Perhaps I don’t want to make up a list of things to do that I’ll either be too sick or too dead to complete.”

Gwaine looked stricken for half a second, before looking Arthur squarely in the eye. “You are not going to die. And I refuse to let you continue to act like you’re dead already. You’re going to make that list. Got it?”

Arthur blinked at him. When Gwaine got serious it was more than a little unsettling. He found himself nodding.

 

~*~

Arthur felt completely stupid. He still thought the list was a silly idea, but since it meant so much to Gwaine he tried to honestly come up with things. He was surprised to find that there a few things that he came up with that he didn’t realize he really wanted. After a couple of hours at it, he looked at the list and thought only one thing: “You are such a girl, Pendragon.” He picked up his pen to start scratching some things off when there was a brief, curt knock on the door. Knowing it was his father, Arthur hid the list in his desk drawer. He opened the door to his father. “Hello.”

Uther nodded sharply; he had his thick organizer in his hand. “Hello. Do we need to go over your schedule for tomorrow? You know you’ll be at the office at 6 AM.”

Arthur inwardly groaned. His father had a habit of asking questions and never giving anyone a chance to answer. “Yes. I know that.” He had been working at his father’s law firm for over a year now. His father insisted that Arthur work his way up in the firm, even though Arthur had never indicated he had an interest in going to law school. “I’ll be working with Mr. Monmouth, helping him go through the depositions. Then I have a doctor’s appointment at 2. And there are some interviews at 4 for a new housekeeper.” Uther was a ridiculous perfectionist and none of their household staff managed to last long before getting fed up and summarily telling Uther where he could shove the job.

“What are your plans for this evening?”

“I’m going over to Ganieda and Gwaine’s.” Arthur answered.

It was almost imperceptible, but Arthur could see Uther’s eyes roll heavenward. Arthur knew Uther had no use for his friends. He seemed to have an especially large amount of disdain for Ganieda. “Very well. Call me after your appointment and let me know how it went.”

“I will.” Uther hovered awkwardly in the doorway, looking like he wanted to say something, but he left without saying anything more.

 

~*~

A couple of days later, he made his way to Gwaine and Ganieda’s flat. He hadn’t been to make it over the other day because work at the office took a lot longer than expected. He knocked on their door and once again contemplated whether he really wanted to show Gwaine the list he made or not. He still thought some of the items were embarrassing. After knocking a second time, Arthur took out his key and decided to wait. He was feeling a bit tired. As he walked in, he looked around slowly, wondering if he was in the right place. The place was clean.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw movement, and walked towards the kitchen. As he got closer he heard a man’s voice singing. It was definitely not Gwaine. He walked through the archway and immediately halted in place. The man was half-naked, wearing black boxer briefs and mopping the floor. He had his iPod ear buds in and was doing a somewhat off-key, and loud, rendition of Ellie Goulding’s “Lights.” The tall dark haired man was skinny, but had well-defined muscles, especially in his upper body. He had broad shoulders and while they weren’t exactly six-packs, his abs were very respectable.

The man dipped the mop in the plastic bucket by his feet and dragged the mop across the floor. “Cause they’re calling, calling, calling me home. Calling, calling, calling home. You show the lights that stop me turn to stone…” Arthur was too caught up between wanting to laugh at the man’s enthusiastic singing, while being hypnotized by his wiggling bottom that he didn’t notice Merlin start to turn around until it was too late. The tall stranger was so startled by Arthur’s presence that he accidentally knocked over his bucket, and taking an ill-advised step back, fell hard on his ass.

Getting over his shock immediately Arthur rushed forward. “Are you alright?”

“No, I’m not alright. I think I broke my ass.” The man gingerly rubbed his posterior.

“That would be a shame.” Arthur spoke without thinking.

The man looked up at him sharply and raised an eyebrow at him. His expression was slowly turning from annoyed to curious.

Arthur almost lost his breath. This man had the bluest eyes he’d ever seen. People sometimes complimented Arthur on how pretty his eyes were, always telling him he had the same eyes as his mother, but Arthur had nothing on this man. He was mesmerized by the beauty of the color and the kindness in his eyes. He was startled when the man cleared his throat. “I don’t mean to interrupt your day dreaming, but might you give me a hand up?”

Arthur shot up immediately. “Right, sorry.” He took the man’s hand and helped him upright. “I’m really sorry for startling you.”

The brunette gave him a once over with his eyes. “Do you always make it a habit of wandering into other’s homes unannounced?”

Arthur would have been annoyed, but he saw the twinkling in the man’s eyes and the makings of a grin on his face. “Gwaine and Ganieda gave me a key for emergencies. And it’s not really an emergency right now, but I thought I’d just wait for them to get home. I wasn’t expecting company, especially not of the half-naked variety.”

The man with the alarmingly beautiful blue eyes looked down and his cheeks got very red. “I forgot I wasn’t wearing…much. This is a little embarrassing.”

“Don’t worry I’ve seen worse.”

The stranger looked up and grinned at Arthur. “Were you checking me out?”

“What?” Arthur’s eyes practically bulged out of his head. “No,” He lied. “I just meant that I’ve walked in on Gwaine naked before, so this isn’t quite as bad. I wasn’t looking at you. I mean, I was, am looking at you and can see you are not wearing much, that much is clear…” Arthur stopped talking and looked up. The half-naked stranger had a hand over his mouth to stifle his laughter. “Alright, I think I’m going to stop talking. Could I trouble you for a glass of water?” The man nodded and Arthur took a seat at the kitchen table.

The man handed Arthur the glass of water. “I’m not usually like this. I’m just…” He trailed off, making a vague gesture with his hands, trying to find the right words.

“Having trouble completing sentences?” The man finished for Arthur.

Arthur narrowed his eyes at him, but laughed. “Who are you anyway? I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be rude, but Ganieda and Gwaine don’t have many overnight guests.”

The brunette stuck out his hand. “I’m Merlin, Ganieda’s brother.”

Arthur shook the man’s hand and nodded. “Oh.” He cocked his head to the side and looked at Merlin again. He could definitely see the resemblance – now that he was looking at his face and not his ass. “I see it now. You do look very similar. She does look like a female version of you.”

Merlin chuckled. “Don’t let her hear you say that.”

“Why?”

“Because people always say that she looks like female version of me. They almost never say I look like a male Ganieda. She thinks it’s sexist or something.”

Arthur laughed. “That does sound like her.”

Merlin gave Arthur an appraising look. “You’re Arthur, right?”

Arthur was a little surprised at his guess. “How’d you know that? Are you psychic, too?”

Merlin let loose a blinding smile. “No. She just talks about you a lot. She said and I quote, ‘He looks like a blond Greek God.’ And I can see what she means.”

It was Arthur’s turn to blush. He grasped for something to say. “What else did she say about me?”

“Are you fishing for more compliments?” He grinned good-naturedly and went on before Arthur had a chance to respond. “She says that underneath a sometimes prat-ish exterior, you are a very sweet person. And that you’ve been through a lot.”

Arthur nodded and looked down. “I guess she didn’t tell you what she meant by ‘a lot.’”

“No, she told me you had cancer.” Merlin said matter-of-factly.

“Oh.” Arthur said in surprise. “I assumed you didn’t know. You didn’t give me the face.”

Merlin crinkled his nose. “The face?”

“I call it ‘cancer face.’ It’s just that pitying look that most people get when they know about the cancer. I can see some people just staring at me waiting for me to drop dead at any moment.” Arthur said, with a lot more bitterness than he intended.

“Well, I won’t give you the face.” Merlin assured. “My mum didn’t have cancer, but she had a stroke and spent a lot of time in the hospital before she died. She hated when people would give her ‘The Face’ too. She really appreciated that I never did. But how could I pity her? She was the strongest person I’ve ever known and fought right until the end. I don’t pity someone like that.”

Arthur opened and closed his mouth a few times, not knowing what to say. Ganieda had never mentioned any of this to them. “I’m sorry, Merlin.”

Merlin smiled. “Now look who has The Face.”

Arthur smiled sheepishly. “Okay, I guess I’m a hypocrite.”

Merlin leaned forward and put his hand on Arthur’s. “I like a man who has a few flaws.”

Arthur stared into his eyes for a few moments before looking away. He had to clear his throat a couple of times before speaking. “Um, do you know when Gwaine’s going to be back?”

“No idea. Do you need something important? I could call him.”

“No, that’s ok. It’s not really important. It was just something Gwaine asked me to do. It’s kind of silly.” Arthur explained.

“I know we just met, but I’ve been told that I’m an excellent listener. And I don’t really have anything left to do today after cleaning up this sty. I promise not to laugh.” Merlin touched his ear. “With these ears, I have no room to judge.”

Arthur chuckled loudly. “Now that you point them out, how could I not have noticed those enormous-

“Hey!” Merlin shouted. “I’m trying to be nice.”

“I know,” Arthur said seriously. He looked at Merlin nervously. He really did believe that Merlin was an excellent listener. He felt as comfortable around him as people he’d known for years. He knew he wouldn’t laugh, so what harm could it do. “Alright, Gwaine thinks that I should make a bucket list.”

“Not surprising. He has a bit of unhealthy fixation with Jack Nicholson,” Merlin joked.

“I know. I’ve seen _The Witches of Eastwick_ more than I’d care to,” Arthur smiled. “Anyway, I decided to do it to humor him, but I find some things on the list kind of embarrassing. I’m 22 and I don’t even know how to swim.”

“Is learning to swim on your list?”

“Yes.”

Merlin grinned. “Then you’re in luck. I’ve been swimming since I was three. I was even a lifeguard for two summers in Ealdor.”

Arthur looked at Merlin somewhat incredulously. “You want to teach me how to swim?”

“Why not?”

Arthur pondered this for a moment and soon shrugged. “Why not.”

 

~*~

And that’s how Arthur found himself spending his afternoon being taught how to swim by a man he’d met less than two hours before. A man that he was developing quite a crush on. He had taken Merlin back to the mansion he lived in with his father. They spent four hours in Arthur’s indoor swimming pool with Merlin trying to just teach Arthur the basics. He wasn’t looking to become a champion swimmer, just to be able to go from one end of the pool to the other.

Things had started off a bit rocky. It took Merlin fifteen minutes to get Arthur in the water. Arthur had neglected to mention that he had a bad experience in the water when he was nine and was more than a little apprehensive about getting back in the water. Merlin had gently and calmly led Arthur into the water by assuring him and promising he wouldn’t leave his side.

First they practiced floating on Arthur’s back and stomach in the shallow end, which came quite easily to Arthur. Then they practiced breathing underwater, which didn’t come quite so easily to Arthur. At one point, Merlin almost put a stop to the proceedings when Arthur almost choked on too much water. But once they had started Arthur was determined to go on.

After that they quickly proceeded to go through various kicks and Arthur learned how to tread water. Merlin was very encouraging throughout, telling Arthur that he was a natural. Once Arthur learned how to do a backstroke crawl maneuver in the water, Merlin asked him if he would be comfortable going briefly in the deep end. Arthur was hesitant, but agreed. As Merlin had promised he never left Arthur’s side.

“Let me try one alone,” Arthur asked after he swam a couple of laps side by side with Merlin.

Merlin bit his lip and hesitated. ‘I don’t know, Arthur. You’re doing amazing. But maybe you should go a little slower.”

“I don’t mean to play the cancer card, but I don’t quite have time to go slower. That’s the whole point of this list. You’re here. I trust you. If you think something is wrong, I know you’ll handle it.”

Merlin still wasn’t budging. After a minute, he finally relented. “Alright. But I’m not stepping out of the pool. You go from one end and back and that’s it.”

Arthur nodded in agreement. Merlin swam a few feet away. Arthur swam slowly to one end. He took a deep breath and started swimming. Merlin almost had a heart attack when Arthur faltered briefly in the middle of the pool, but Arthur quickly recovered. Arthur whooped with joy when he made it all the way across. He swam back to Merlin, smiling all the way. “I told you I could do it.”

Merlin nodded. “Yes, you did.”

“Perhaps you should listen to me more often.”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, prat.” Merlin surprised Arthur with a hug. Arthur stiffened for a second, but quickly welcomed the embrace.

Soon after they climbed out of the pool, Merlin grabbed one of the fluffy white towels and started to dry Arthur off. He started with Arthur’s hair. He massaged the towel softly through Arthur’s hair. Arthur almost closed his eyes, enjoying how Merlin was massaging his scalp. Merlin moved the towel down to Arthur’s face, gently scrubbing Arthur’s cheek. Arthur unconsciously stepped a little closer. Merlin’s eyes locked on his and Arthur’s breath hitched. He couldn’t help it as his eyes constantly darted to Merlin’s lips. He’d never wanted to kiss someone so badly. His intense attraction to Merlin was starting to scare him. Arthur took a step back, taking the towel from Merlin’s hand. “I-I don’t mean to rush you at all. But this took a little longer than I expected. I have some things for work I need to attend to.”

Merlin frowned, not hiding his disappointment, but he nodded quickly. “I understand. I really had a good time, Arthur. You’re the best student I’ve ever had.”

“I’m probably the only student you’ve ever had.”

Merlin smiled. “It’s still true. I’m glad you get to cross one thing off your list. Perhaps we can work on crossing more things off the list together.”

 _I certainly have some ideas_ , Arthur thought. Arthur turned slightly away from Merlin to hide his blush. He turned back to Merlin and simply said, “Perhaps.”

 

~*~

It had been over a week since Arthur had seen Merlin. Arthur had been feeling miserable, both physically and mentally. He had spent a few sleepless nights wanking to memories of Merlin’s eyes and his lips and his arms around him. He had a fever one day and couldn’t get out of bed. He spent the entire time thinking about Merlin. He couldn’t get him out of his head. When he was sick, Lance came over to check on him and Arthur tried to ask as subtly as possible if Lance had met Merlin or knew anything about him. But Lance had only met Merlin once and didn’t know anything Arthur didn’t.

The next day, Arthur was feeling much better and received a call from Ganieda. She spoke in hushed tones and seemed in a hurry to get off the phone. She said she’d received a vision and needed to see him immediately. While Arthur was skeptical of her “powers” her tone had freaked him out enough to rush over. He arrived at her flat and knocked on the door three times. He was about to knock again when Merlin answered. He couldn’t help the huge grin that spread over his face, which became even wider when he saw that Merlin was just as happy to see him. “Hello.”

“Hi.”

“Is Ganieda here?”

“No, she went off flying off to destinations unknown with Gwaine.” Merlin explained. He opened the door wider for Arthur to step through.

Arthur came in, scratching his head in confusion. “Are you sure? She called me and said she had something important to tell me.” Just then Arthur’s cell phone buzzed. It was Ganieda. “Ganieda what are you-“

She cut him off. “What I wanted to tell you was that my brother is the sweetest, funniest, most beautiful man you could ever hope to meet. And if you don’t bugger his brains out there’s something wrong with you.” She hung up.

Arthur shook his head and turned to Merlin. “Your sister is so spooky.”

Merlin laughed. “That’s why I was always considered the good twin.” He took a deep breath and rubbed the back of his neck. “I think this may be my fault.”

“Why would you say that?”

“Because I may have mentioned you once or twice…or twenty times.” He looked up at Arthur hesitantly. “I can’t stop thinking about you.”

Arthur gulped. “Oh…”

“Okay, perhaps you aren’t the most articulate person in the world,” Merlin teased. “But I still want you.” All of a sudden he was right in front of Arthur, inches away from his lips. “What do you want, Arthur?”

“I wa-wan-want you, too.” Before Merlin could kiss him, Arthur backed away. “ _But_ I don’t want to sleep with you just to cross something off my list.”

“Would that be the only reason? Do you find me attractive?”

“Yes.”

“Do you want to fuck me?”

Arthur whimpered. “God, yes.”

Merlin inched closer to Arthur. “Then that’s all that matters.”

Arthur’s resolve was holding on by the barest thread. “But we hardly know anything about each other.”

“I know that you're funny. I know that you’re smart, even though you can sometimes string together a coherent sentence.

Arthur held up his finger. "I'll have you know, I'm usually a very..." Merlin licked his lips slowly. "C-c-coher...um," He shook his head. "...Able to speak English very well."

Merlin chuckled. "See, smart." His smile turned more predatory. "I know that you’re the most gorgeous man I’ve ever met. And I know that every night since I’ve met you I’ve dreamt about fucking you until I come harder than I ever have before, until I give you everything I am, and still go back for more. Is there anything else you need to know?”

Arthur was struck dumb and mute for about five seconds before squeaking, “Fuck, no.” He launched himself at Merlin, their mouths meeting in a deep and frenzied kiss. Merlin took Arthur’s bottom lip between his teeth and sucked it into his mouth and then ran his tongue over it, before licking his way inside Arthur’s mouth. Arthur moaned and grabbed Merlin’s thighs and lifted Merlin up. Merlin wrapped his legs around him. This surge of adrenaline from Arthur carried them all the way to Merlin’s bedroom. They continued to kiss frantically their tongues clashing like swords on the battlefield.

After that, Merlin took complete control. He undressed them quickly and straddled Arthur’s thighs. He trailed wet, open mouth kisses up and down Arthur’s chest. Arthur thought he might literally explode. His heart was racing and he was feeling such an intense desire he thought it might come bursting out of his chest. Just when Arthur thought it couldn’t get any more intense, Merlin turned him around, spread his cheeks, and prepared his hole with continuous strokes of his tongue. Arthur’s toes curled and he gripped the bed sheets between his teeth. Arthur was so close to coming, but before that could happen Merlin turned him around to face him.

He stroked the side of Arthur’s face and nipped at his mouth with tiny kisses. “I haven’t had sex in a while and I’ve always been careful and I’ve been tested.”

“And I’m a…inexperienced.” Arthur replied.

“Do you want me to use a condom?”

Arthur looked deep into Merlin’s eyes and realized he would trust this man with his life and wasn’t scared in the least. “No, I want to feel you.”

Merlin smiled and lined up his cock to Arthur’s hole and entered Arthur slowly. He kept his gaze on Arthur the whole time, gauging his response and asked Arthur if he was okay. Arthur nodded. The pain was intense, but brief. It was a strange feeling; such an intense pain, but somehow amazingly perfect. When Merlin was fully inside he started to move slowly. Arthur could tell from the look on his face that Merlin was holding back. Arthur ran his hands down Merlin’s back and licked a stripe from Merlin’s collar bone to his mouth. “I want more. I can take it.”

Merlin looked down, and seemed unsure. But when Arthur nodded he started to increase his pace until his hips were slamming into Arthur’s. “Oh, fuck,” he cried.

Arthur moaned Merlin’s name repeatedly. He ran a hand through Merlin’s hair, gripping his sweaty hair through his fingers and his other hand gripped Merlin’s shoulder. “Fuck me, Merlin! God, don’t stop!” Arthur was slightly surprised at how vocal he was being.

“Arthur, Arthur, Arthur….come for me Arthur!” Merlin grabbed Arthur’s legs and placed them atop his shoulders, and leaned forward. He continued to pound into Arthur relentlessly.

“I’m coming! I’m coming! I’m-“Arthur let out a prolonged groan. He could feel Merlin still thrusting into him through his shudders. Then he felt Merlin coming inside him. Merlin slumped on top of him briefly, before rolling over to his side, both were gasping for air. A minute or so passed, and then Merlin wrapped Arthur in his arms and stroked his hair until he fell asleep.

 

~*~

An hour later, Arthur woke to Merlin gazing at him. He stretched before looking at Merlin. “I should find you looming over me and staring creepy. But you’re too adorable to be creepy.” Arthur shook his head and laughed. “God, what has happened to me?”

“It’s possible I may have literally fucked your brains out.”

“I think that’s quite possible.” Arthur chuckled and buried his head in his pillow. When he looked up, Merlin was still staring.

“You know,” Merlin started hesitantly. “I have a video camera.”

Arthur raised an eyebrow at him. “Uh, I just had sex for the first time. Perhaps we can hold off on kinky sex tapes until the fourth or fifth time?”

Merlin shook his head. “I don’t want to make a sex tape, dollophead. I spent a lot of time after my mom died trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. And I decided that I really want to make films, especially documentaries. And I’ve been trying to come up with subjects to explore. One of my ideas was to make a film with a series of confessions made by people right after they’ve had sex.”

“Just how many people were you thinking of having sex with to make this film?” Arthur said, with a smidgeon of jealousy peeking through.

“See, that’s one of the things I’ve gotten stuck on. I don’t want to have to have sex with multiple partners. And I don’t want to recruit people to film themselves having sex. But I was thinking that maybe it doesn’t have to be a series of people. Maybe it could just be one person’s experiences after sex.” Merlin explained. “I just think that after sex is one of the times that you are the most clear headed and most honest.”

Arthur thought about it for a moment. This seemed to be something important to Merlin and while he wasn’t exactly comfortable with the idea of being the subject of an after sex confessions movie, just thinking of his father’s reaction, made him chuckle and cringe at the same time. Arthur decided to try this out at least once. “Alright.”

“Ok?” When Arthur nodded, Merlin smiled. He quickly got up, grabbed his camera, and sat down besides Arthur and after getting it set up, pointed the camera at Arthur. “You can start whenever you feel ready.”

Arthur sighed and tried opening his mind and coming up with something to share. After a few minutes, a nagging thought that he’d been having surfaced and he decided to share it with Merlin. “I don’t know if I believe in God. I think I do, but I guess you can never be sure and I don’t have enough faith yet. But I do think that perhaps God is punishing me - that’s why the cancer’s back. When I first got cancer, I promised that if I were to survive, that I would live my life every day as if it were my last, that I would do everything I ever dreamed of. I was in remission for a year, and I didn’t do anything. I’m still living with my father and letting him control my life. I haven’t figured out anything that I want for myself, for my future. Perhaps that’s a good thing. What’s the point of planning for a future I may never have?” He laughed mirthlessly. “I got a miracle and I wasted it. I don’t think I’m going to get another one again.” He looked away and tried not to let the tears fall. Merlin put down his camera and just wrapped Arthur in his arms.

 

~*~

After the video camera incident, Arthur spent less and less time with Merlin. He still worked on crossing things off his list. He had started taking flying lessons, since one of the things he wanted was to be able to fly a plane. Merlin took the classes with him. But they hadn’t had sex again. Though, they still made out occasionally. Arthur found Merlin as irresistible as ever, but he felt that distancing himself would be best. He didn’t know what he was thinking starting anything up with Merlin. There was a good chance he would be dead fairly soon and he didn’t want Merlin to have to go through that.

He also found that he was feeling incredibly weird in general. Something was wrong, and he was worried. It wasn’t the nausea and tiredness - he was used to that. But there was something going on that had nothing to do with the cancer. He just knew it. He was moody one moment, and flying high the next. They’d managed to hire a new housekeeper at the mansion and subsequently lost her due to Arthur’s behavior, which his father took great pleasure in gloating to Arthur about (“This one’s on you.”) He decided he would talk to his doctor about it at his next appointment.

It was time for his treatment to start. He was trying not to put too many expectations on it. He was trying not to think negatively, but wasn’t positive about it either. They arrived at the doctor’s office. One of the rare perks to being Uther Pendragon’s son is they could afford the best private physicians available and had minimal wait time when they had appointments. but today they had been waiting for half an hour. Arthur stormed over to the doctor’s secretary. “Would you inform that _idiot_ that we have been waiting out here for a half hour. This is Uther Pendragon and his son and if he doesn’t get his lazy arse out here, there will be hell to pay.” The white-haired woman, Alice, looked frightened, and rushed back to get the doctor.

“While that was a truly impressive display of properly throwing your weight around, you prefer to leave such confrontations to me? What has gotten into you, Arthur?” Uther asked with some concern.

“I don’t know.” Arthur answered. After a moment, he leaned forward and put his hand to his chest. He started to feel dizzy. “I just want you to know father, that I am not pissed this time.”

“What?”

Arthur proceeded to pass out.

 

~*~

When the doctor, Gaius Emerson, arrived, he helped Uther rouse Arthur and decided to take more blood tests after Arthur explained some of his new symptoms. Arthur hated having to wait one more day to get the treatment started. Living in limbo like this was clearly taking its toll on him. When Arthur and Uther arrived the next day, Uther being a little upset that he had to miss more work, they were seated almost immediately. Arthur examined the doctor’s face, to try and determine the kind of news he’d get. But he couldn’t really decipher what the doctor was thinking. He seemed confused and nervous. He looked at Arthur. “I don’t quite know how to say this, but you’re…pregnant.”

“And you’re drunk.” Arthur retorted.

“I can assure you I am not.” Dr. Emerson replied.

“You clearly are. Either that or you’re playing some kind of joke. There’s no possible way I can be pregnant. I’m a _man_.”

“Dr. Emerson, we have been coming to you for years. And you’ve generally been a very competent doctor. But if you expect us to believe this, I will have no trouble ceasing our dealings with you and seeking help elsewhere.” Uther decreed.

“I know this seems more than a little odd,” Dr. Emerson started.

“Odd?” Arthur cried incredulously.

“But it is possible. You are aware that there have been a few reported cases of male pregnancies.”

“Yes, I’ve heard of such things.” Uther explained. “But those are cases having to do with magic.” Uther practically shuddered when he said the word “magic.”

“That is correct.”

Uther went on. “And women can’t get men pregnant. Only men. While I know my son has had questionable dealings with people who claim to practice magic, I can assure you my son does not have dalliances with men.”

Arthur looked down, trying to see if he dug his chin hard enough into his chest if he could physically burrow into his body. He could feel Dr. Emerson and his father’s gaze on him. He couldn’t look at his father, so he turned to the doctor. “There has been one…man, but he doesn’t have magic. The only person I know who has magic, or claims to anyway, is…Ganieda.” _Merlin’s twin_. Perhaps getting to know each other before having sex really would have been for the best.

“We ran the test several times and I can assure you that you are indeed pregnant.” Arthur sat back and stared at the ceiling too stunned to speak." Dr. Emerson continued, “I understand that you’re having trouble processing this information and I don’t want to overwhelm you even further, but there are a lot of things to consider now.”

Uther sat up straighter and squared his shoulders, trying to put his shock aside. “What possible questions are there to consider?”

“Well, I wasn’t sure if Arthur wanted to proceed with the treatment as scheduled-

“Of course he does.” Uther interrupted.

“In female patients who have cancer and become pregnant we advise against radiation because it can be very harmful to the baby.”

“I don’t understand. You said it yourself that the chemo wasn’t working and Arthur’s best chance was radiation.”

“I understand that. But Arthur still has other options. There are many experimental drugs that are showing promise or we could try a different cocktail of drugs and give the chemotherapy another chance.” Gaius explained.

“And would any of those options work as well as the radiation?” Uther asked plainly.

“The chances are slightly less-

“Then there is no other option. Arthur simply has to terminate this pregnancy.”

Arthur had only been half listening, trying to process this news, but upon Uther’s last statement, he swiftly looked at his father. He tried to speak, but when Uther fixed his stare upon him, he couldn’t formulate a response.

Gaius looked extremely uncomfortable and kept throwing Arthur sympathetic glances. He cleared his throat and while addressing Uther, looked straight at Arthur. “With all due respect Mr. Pendragon that should be Arthur’s decision.”

Arthur felt like he was about to start hyperventilating. He didn’t know what to do. Uther turned to him. He couldn’t make eye contact, but tried to put on a face of concern. “Arthur, despite the perversions that got you to this moment,” Arthur flinched at that comment, “I am trying to keep your best interests in mind.”

Arthur closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I can’t have a baby. I’d like to schedule whatever it takes to take care of the situation.”

 

~*~

They had made an appointment for an abortion later in the week. Arthur found that he couldn’t say the word abortion and tried to put the whole thing out of his mind, which was next to impossible. He avoided Gwaine, Ganieda, and especially Merlin, at all costs. He felt horrible for not informing Merlin of the situation. But he tried to absolve his guilt by saying it was his body, his life, his decision. He partially blamed Merlin as well, if only he’d told him about his magic. Arthur doubted it would have changed a single thing, but being angrier at Merlin was a lot easier at the moment.

He found himself constantly touching his stomach and examining it in the mirror. It was too early to feel anything or see anything, but just knowing there was a life growing inside him freaked him out, and also fascinated him. He was constantly looking up information online, trying to see how big the baby was and how it was developing. So much of him was sure of his decision. The best chance he had at surviving was the treatment. He couldn’t do that and keep the baby. His mother died after giving birth to him. She had never even laid eyes on him. Could he really make his own child go through that same aching misery?

The day before the procedure, Lance came over to check on Arthur like he always did. Lance wasn’t the most talkative person, but his mere presence usually calmed Arthur and made him feel better. As Lance was about to leave, Arthur asked him to stay. He locked the door to his bedroom and looked at Lancelot solemnly. “I need you to promise that whatever is said here stays in this room.”

Lancelot backed away somewhat apprehensively. “Arthur, your feelings are very flattering. And while I think you are a very attractive man-

Arthur rolled his eyes. “I’m not hitting on you, Lance. I’ve got enough problems without Guinevere clawing my eyes out.” Lance chuckled and sat down on the bed and Arthur sat next to him. “May I ask you a hypothetical question?” Lance nodded. “If you had a patient who had cancer and discovered she was pregnant, would you advise her to continue seeking treatment despite the potential harm to the baby?”

Lancelot sighed. “It would depend on the situation. Not all forms of treatment would be harmful to the child. Chemotherapy could be risky, but is less so during the second and third trimesters. Ultimately, it would be the patient’s decision how best to proceed with treatment.”

Arthur groaned; that wasn’t the answer he was looking for. He decided to just lay it all out there. “Lancelot, have you ever heard of a man getting pregnant?”

Lance pursed his lips, thinking. “There have been a few rare cases that I’ve read about. Most of the time it involves magic. It’s really fascinating.”

“Then you should find this news rather interesting. I’m pregnant.”

Lancelot just stared at him. “I’m sorry, what?”

“I’m pregnant. I had sex with Ganieda’s twin brother. Apparently, Ganieda really did have magic all this time.” Arthur explained.

“We always knew that, Arthur.” Lancelot smiled. “I don’t know why you never believed her.”

“It was a little hard to believe without proof.” Arthur touched his stomach. “I have all the proof I need now.”

“What are you going to do?” Lance said in a gentle voice.

“Well, the treatment would be very harmful to the baby, and if I don’t have the treatment my chances of survival lessen. So I’m-I’m not having it.” Arthur fought the urge to look down and looked back at Lance, awaiting the judgment he was sure was coming. But Lance just squeezed his hand.

“No one can blame you for wanting to save your own life, Arthur. You don’t have anything to feel guilty about.”

“But I do. I haven’t even told Merlin about the baby.”

Lancelot did frown at that bit of news. “I think you should tell him. But I’m not going to tell you what to do.”

“But I want you to.” Arthur said desperately. “I don’t know what to do. In every way, I think it makes sense to not go through with this. But I just - I don’t feel comfortable with this. I can’t figure out what the best decision is. I feel there is no way this situation doesn’t end badly.”

“I know you’re going to want to kill me for saying something so cliché, but the only thing you can do is listen to your heart.” He picked up a baby book that Arthur had done a poor job of trying to hide. “I have a feeling you may already know what that is.”

 

~*~

Arthur came down the stairs the next morning and found Uther barking orders at their newest butler, George. “If you think you can manage not to muck it up, bring the car around.”

Arthur interrupted. “That won’t be necessary, George. I need to talk to my father privately.”

George looked between the two like a deer caught in the headlights. Uther looked at Arthur appraisingly and nodded for George to go away. “What are you doing, Arthur? We have to leave for your appointment soon.”

“I have something important to tell you.” Arthur took a deep breath. “I’m still going to see Dr. Emerson, but I’m not having an abortion. He’s agreed to do an ultrasound and make sure everything is going well the baby. I’m going to have it.”

“You’re going to have it?” Uther repeated each word carefully.

“Yes.”

Uther shook his head slowly. He was a lot calmer than Arthur thought he would be. “I will have his head for this. Dr. Emerson will not get away with filling your head with foolishness. I’m going to sue him for everything he’s worth.”

Of course, when all else failed, sue. That was his father’s go to method of controlling everything around him. “Dr. Emerson didn’t do anything wrong. The only thing he’s done is be supportive of _my_ decision.”

“He’s sanctioning suicide, is what he’s doing. You’re going to kill yourself, Arthur, and I will not allow it.” Uther slammed his briefcase down.

“Father, you can sue Dr. Emerson if you want, but you won’t win. Dr. Emerson is loved and respected in this town, while you are-

“What?”

Arthur sighed. Uther was well aware of his reputation. He was a struggling, young attorney who many believed married his mother for her money. Ygraine came from an extremely wealthy family who were very well-respected and loved despite being lawyers. Ygraine and her family weren’t the kind of lawyers who took on cases simply to make a profit. They had their share of high-priced clients, but they also did a lot of charity work and took on pro bono clients. After Ygraine’s father died, he left the business to her and she in turn left it to Uther upon her death. Uther did nothing to help his reputation by quickly changing the firm to suit his ambition. He worked strictly on criminal cases for the most disreputable people imaginable and he wasn’t above dirty tricks to succeed.

Challenging his father like this was not going to get him anywhere, so he decided to change tactics. “Did you know that at six weeks a baby’s eyes start to develop?”

Uther looked momentarily caught off guard. “Just what on Earth are you talking about?”

“I’ve been reading some baby books and doing research on-line. A baby’s eyes start to develop at the sixth week. It’s the only thing I can think about. The only thing I can see. I picture it looking up at me with these gorgeous blue eyes. And I want that moment, father. I want this child more than anything.”

“More than your own life?”

Arthur sighed. “We don’t know that I’ll die. I could survive.”

“And what if you don’t?” Uther stalked over to Arthur and looked down at him. “You, more than anyone, know what it’s like to lose a parent all too soon. Do you want to do that to your child?”

“Growing up without my mother has been terrible. I never even met her, but I miss her all the time. But I do take some comfort in knowing that she loved me. And I believe with all my heart, that she would make the same decision if she were in my place, if she knew what would happen to her.”

Uther turned around. “And I believe with all my heart that you are being a selfish fool. If you expect me to stand by and watch my son die, so he can give birth to some _thing_ -

Arthur clenched his fists. “Don’t call it that. It’s not a thing. It’ll be your grandchild.”

“A child with two fathers is bad enough. But a child born of magic,” he spit out. “I will not have anything to do with it.”

Arthur took a shaky step back. He didn’t realize Uther’s hatred of magic ran so deep. “How dare you look down on people with magic considering the murderers and rapists you deal with on a daily basis.”

“I’d be careful how you judge those people. It’s because of those clients that I’ve been able to provide you this life of privilege. If it weren’t for them I wouldn’t have been able to afford the care that you’ve received. I’ve done everything I can to help you. If you think you know better than me, you need to leave this house.”

Uther’s stony face was all the proof Arthur needed that Uther meant every word. Arthur was unsure of what to do. He trembled with rage and fear. But he refused to let Uther see him crumble. “If that is what you wish, I’ll leave tonight.” And with that he marched out of the room and out of the only home he’d ever known.

 

~*~

In his anger, Arthur decided he needed to get it all out and decided he knew the perfect recipient of his rage. That was how he found himself banging on Ganieda and Gwaine’s door. He was searching through his pockets for his key when Merlin threw open the door. When he saw Arthur he started to smile, “Well, long time no-

“You have magic!” Arthur declared.

“Yes.” Merlin said simply, not looking surprised by Arthur’s declaration.

Arthur stormed passed him into the house. He whirled around to face Merlin. “You didn’t think that was important to mention?”

Merlin shrugged. “It never really came up. And I kind of thought that you already knew. Ganieda has magic and I am her twin.”

“I never really thought she had actual magic. There was never any real proof. Her predictions don’t always come true.”

“It’s not like she can just call up a vision at will. She can’t control when they come.” Merlin defended his sister. “Besides, she can’t control what people do. Things are never-

“Set in stone. Yes, I know. That is beside the point. Why didn’t you tell me you had magic before we had sex?

“Why would I have? What would it have changed?”

“Men who have sex with…wizards?” Arthur raised his eyebrow in thought, knowing that probably wasn’t the right word.

“The proper term would probably be warlock.” Merlin supplied.

“Warlock. Fine. Men who have sex with warlocks can get pregnant.”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “That’s a stupid myth.”

“Oh really?” Arthur crosses his arms in front of his chest. “I suppose that’s why I’m six weeks pregnant.”

Merlin burst out laughing. “Sure, you are prat.” He laughed again, but as he saw the look on Arthur’s face his laughter died. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Knocked up. Up the duff. With child. I…AM…PREGNANT!”

Merlin sat down heavily on the spot. “Bloody hell.”

Arthur looked at Merlin’s sweet, confused, and clearly terrified face and felt his anger fade. He sat down next to Merlin. “Just one of the many things I’ve said the last few days.”

Merlin looked at him. “How long have you known?”

“Almost a week.” Arthur looked down and wrung his hands. “And you’re going to hate me, but I decided that I was going to terminate the pregnancy.”

Merlin’s eyes doubled in size. “What? Without even telling me? Don’t you think I had a right to know?”

“I know. I’m sorry but I was so afraid and I didn’t know what to do. I knew the risks and I was scared.”

“What risks?” Merlin asked.

“I was supposed to start treatment this week, but the radiation used would have been extremely harmful to the baby. But without the treatment, the chances of beating the cancer weaken considerably.”

“Oh.” Merlin said. “I understand why you didn’t tell me now. I still wish you would have talked to me first, but I’m glad you’re telling me now. I can’t ask you to give up your life.”

“You don’t have to. I’ve decided that I want this baby. Our baby.”

“Our baby,” Merlin mouthed silently. He put his head between his knees. He looked back up at Arthur after a moment. “Are you sure about this, Arthur? What are you going to do for treatment?”

“My doctor has said that he can get me into a study for an experimental drug that has been successful with my type and stage of cancer. There’s always the possibility I can try chemo during my third trimester. It’s not as risky as doing it during the third trimester, but it’s still a risk and I don’t know if I want to risk doing any harm to the baby.” He smiled at Merlin. “I asked for another miracle Merlin and I got it. I am not throwing it away again.”

Merlin turned to Arthur and gently stroked his cheek. “I couldn’t think of anyone better to have a baby with.”

Arthur smiled. “Before we get all soppy, we need to talk about something important.” Merlin nodded and squeezed Arthur’s hand. “I really want this baby, but it’s not just going to change my life. Nothing’s ever going to be the same, Merlin. And if I die, you could become a single father. Do you think you could handle that?”

Merlin took a deep breath. “Honestly, I don’t know. The thought of having a baby, sharing it with someone else, is scary enough. To do it by myself, I don’t know. I can only say that I will try my best and love our baby the best I can.”

Arthur nodded. “That’s all I can ask for now.”

Merlin put his arm around Arthur and Arthur rested his head against Merlin’s shoulder. "Arthur, I want you to know that if I had known what would happen by not wearing a condom, I would have been more careful.”

“I know. This isn’t exactly the ideal situation, but I don’t regret that night.”

Merlin smiled. “Oh, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about my magic. I really thought you knew. I really don’t like talking about it. People get weird and act like I’m some magic genie that can grant them anything they want.”

“You probably thought I’d ask you to heal me.” Arthur said.

Merlin lifted Arthur’s head to look at him. “You didn’t have to ask. I tried to that first night, but it didn’t work. My healing powers aren’t very good. It didn’t work with my mother, either.”

Arthur nodded. “Thank you for trying.” He suddenly grinned mischievously. “I don’t want you to think I’m trying to turn you into a genie, but is there anything magical you can show me?”

Merlin laughed. He got up and looked around the room. “So you want a magic display?”

“Just something simple.”

Merlin grinned. “Something simple…” Arthur gasped a little when Merlin stared at him and his eyes took on a golden light. After a few seconds, Arthur was surprised when his pants suddenly came down. He looked down at his naked thighs, while Merlin laughed. “Simple enough?”

Arthur shook his head. “You have a one track mind.” Merlin just laughed. Arthur pulled up his pants. “I have a couple of favors to ask.”

“My, my, you impregnate a man and suddenly he’s so demanding.” Merlin teased.

Arthur just rolled his eyes. “I want you to document this pregnancy, every moment you can when I cross things off the list, doctor’s appointments, mood swings, everything. If you want to make it into a documentary, you can. But I mainly just want something for the baby to have…in case.”

Merlin sighed. “I’ll do it. But you have to try and promise _me_ something?”

“What?”

“I don’t want you to act like your death is already pre-determined. I refuse to think that way and I don’t want you to either.”

Arthur worried his lip. “I don’t want to think the worst, but we have to be realistic.”

“That’s fine. But please don’t start making your good-byes already.” Merlin pleaded.

“Alright, I’ll try not to think the worst all the time. I promise.”

Arthur was awarded with a smile that the stars would be jealous of. “Good. And now what was the second favor?”

“Well, I seem to be without a home…”

 

~*~

And that was how Arthur found himself moving in with Gwaine, Ganieda, and Merlin. It definitely took some getting used to. After being reminded countless times, Gwaine finally remembered to stop eating breakfast without pants on after two weeks. Merlin had gone with Arthur to get his first ultrasound the first day Arthur told him about the pregnancy (both of them were too astounded to speak when they heard the baby’s heartbeat for the first time and didn’t say anything the whole way home) and had been to every doctor's appointment Arthur had, including the date the doctor had told them the baby’s due date, which was November 4. They had decided to stay with Dr. Emerson, not just because he’d been Arthur’s doctor for years, but also because Dr. Emerson had dealt with a couple of magical pregnancies and births before and explained it could get complicated.

Arthur had started his new drugs, which he had been assured would not harm the baby. He hadn’t really noticed any side effects yet. He had the traditional morning sickness and tiredness. Arthur found that the advantage to having cancer was that he was so used to the nausea and fatigue that it didn’t really affect his mood anymore. True to his word, Merlin was there to document every disgusting bit of this process.

“For fuck’s sake!” Some side effects though, weren’t so welcome.

Merlin came barreling into Arthur’s room after hearing Arthur’s screeching. “What’s going on?”

Arthur quickly shut his bathroom door. “Nothing. Go back to your room.”

Merlin stood patiently by the door. “Arthur, I’m not going anywhere. You wouldn’t scream like that unless something was wrong.”

“It’s silly.”

“If it’s silly, it shouldn’t be a problem to tell me about it then.

Arthur didn’t say anything for a long time; slowly he opened the door keeping him hidden from view. “I think I’m starting to become deformed.”

Merlin gaped at Arthur. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m growing...breasts.” Arthur whispered the last word.

Merlin blinked. “What?”

Arthur came out from behind the door. Merlin tried valiantly to stifle his laughter. Arthur’s once firm, sculpted pecs were now sagging a bit and definitely larger than they once were. “I know that I’m pregnant, but I didn’t think I’d actually start turning into a woman.” He turned to Merlin. “Can’t you....magic them away?

Merlin laughed loudly. “I don’t think so. You know what this means, right?”

“What?” Arthur braced himself for what Merlin was about to say next.

“I think someone’s ready for his training bra. I’m thinking B cup.” Arthur glared at him. Merlin cocked his head to the side and stared at Arthur’s chest. “You haven’t started leaking, have you?”

“Leaking?! That’s not going to happen...right? I’m not going to be breast feeding.” He furrowed his brow. “At least, I don’t think so. Bugger! I’m going to call Dr. Emerson.” Arthur rushed out of the room, leaving a laughing Merlin behind.

 

~*~

Merlin and Arthur continued to work on his bucket list as well. Arthur had started reading every book in his collection, determined to finish all 50 of them. As Arthur neared the end of his first trimester, Merlin decided to start teaching Arthur how to cook. He decided to start with something that was light and fairly simple, but not as easy as making a sandwich. He decided to show Arthur how to make Welsh cakes.

They gathered all the ingredients in the kitchen and Merlin tied Gwaine’s “Kiss the Cock” apron around Arthur. He lingered behind Arthur, with his hands on Arthur’s hips. He could feel Arthur stiffen slightly. It wasn’t exactly the reaction he was hoping for. Arthur and Merlin hadn’t had sex since the first time, despite some hot make-out sessions. But ever since Arthur got pregnant, even the make-out sessions were dwindling. Arthur assured Merlin he was still attracted to him, and wanted to continue seeing him, but not only was his libido right now extremely low, he also told Merlin he wanted to take things slow and make sure they weren’t starting a relationship just because Arthur was pregnant.

Arthur cleared his throat and moved towards the island in the kitchen. “So are you going to do everything and I just watch or are we going to do this together?”

“Neither. You wanted to learn to cook, so you need to get your hands dirty. You cook and I’ll show you what to do.” Arthur nodded. “Start by mixing the baking soda, flour, sugar, and salt in the large bowl.”

Arthur got started. He looked over at Merlin. “You don’t need a recipe?”

“No, I’ve made these a hundred times,” Merlin explained. “My mum showed Gan and I how to make them when were six. We’d always make them on Christmas Eve and have them on Christmas.” Merlin continued to instruct Arthur, “Cut the shortening and place it in the mixture.”

Arthur followed all of Merlin’s instructions and was proving to be a bit obsessive compulsive, constantly cleaning up after himself, even though it was just going to get messy again. As Arthur greased the griddle, he looked over at Merlin. He had a huge grin on his face. “Bringing back memories?”

Merlin smiled at him. “Yeah. My mum was exactly the same way - always cleaning up after us even though it was guaranteed to turn into a disaster area two seconds later. I think it was Gan’s mission to get flour on every single surface of the kitchen. After everything was done, Ganieda’s hair looked as if she had been sweeping the chimney with her head. And I was constantly breaking things. It was a mess, but mum didn’t care. She loved being in the kitchen and she loved being able to share it with us.” Merlin's smile faded. He ran a hand slowly through his hair, looking off into space.

“You miss her.”

Merlin nodded.

Arthur placed the scones on the griddle. “Ganieda said that you moved away after your mum died to “find yourself.”

“I made my mum a promise before she died that I would get myself together and figure out what I wanted and do it. I didn’t think I could do that in Ealdor. I hated having to leave Gan, but I knew she’d be okay. She’s known who she is and what’s she wanted since she was ten. And I think I did what my mum wanted. I don’t have it all figured out, but I know who I am and I’m happy.” He touched Arthur’s stomach. “I was meant to come back here when I did.”

Arthur grinned. “You’re such a girl, Merlin.”

“You’re pregnant and you have breasts, I think you’re the girl.” Merlin laughed as Arthur shoved him on the shoulder.

 

~*~

The Welsh cakes turned out wonderfully - a little overdone, but delicious. After all the cleaning he did while he was making the cakes, Arthur didn’t know whether to be happy or annoyed when after they were done, Merlin waved a hand and everything was cleaned and put away, without either of them touching a thing. (Merlin just grinned at him, “I told you I was handy in the kitchen.”) They made some tea and sat down in the living room. “So now you at least know how to make one thing. You’re on your way to becoming a master chef.” Merlin replied, rubbing Arthur’s feet.

“Perhaps.” Arthur sighed and rested his head against the sofa cushion. “Do you think you’re going to make these cakes with our child?”

“I hope so. I hope we can do it together.” Arthur practically purred in contentment as Merlin massaged his feet.

 

~*~

As his second trimester started, Merlin found Arthur standing in front of the mirror stroking his stomach. He had just barely started to show, it looked like he had a slight beer belly. Arthur turned his head to the side and looked at his stomach thoughtfully. Merlin smiled as he walked up to him. “Are you already worried about stretch marks? You’re barely showing.”

Arthur laughed. “I’m not worried. I actually sort of like this.”

Merlin blinked at him. “You like it?”

Arthur nodded. “Yes. When I started secondary school, I decided to start working out because I wanted to be on every sports team I could. I got quite fit, if I do say so myself.”

“I’ve learned to not expect a lot of modesty from you.” Merlin teased.

Arthur rolled his eyes. “ _Anyway_ it was great fun. I loved being on a team and loved the way I felt. And then - then I got cancer and I couldn’t be on any teams anymore and I was always so, so skinny. It was one of the things I hated most. It’s not really fun when you could literally be a skeleton for Halloween. So I kind of like being able to put on a little weight and be a little normal. I’m sure I’ll be singing a different tune in a few months.”

Merlin put his arms around Arthur from behind and looked at him in the mirror. “I think you’ll look very sexy with a huge belly. Kind of like Santa Claus.”

Arthur wrinkled his nose. “Please tell me you don’t have some weird Santa Claus fetish.”

Merlin pinched his arm. “No.”

Arthur turned in Merlin’s arms and kissed his lips lightly. “I feel really good. The morning sickness has stopped. I’m still tired, but it’s not as bad as before. “

“Dr. Emerson says you’re doing well. The drugs are really working.”

“Perhaps.”

“Perhaps?” Merlin raised his eyebrow.

“I just think that it’s not the drugs keeping me alive. I think it’s the baby,” Arthur whispered. “Do you think it’s possible the baby could have magic already? Will it have magic?”

Merlin looked taken aback. “I - I have no idea. I’ve never really thought about it.”

“Have you ever learned anything about your magic?”

“Not really,” Merlin answered. “I always had questions when I was a kid, but I didn’t have anyone to ask. When I got older, I never really thought about it.” Merlin wondered if he should try and find some answers, especially for Arthur’s sake.

 

~*~

“Gannie, can we talk?” Merlin found Ganieda in the middle of a yoga workout doing some pose, sleeping dog or flying lotus, or some weird name Merlin could never remember.

“Pull up a mat.” Ganieda replied looking at him from upside down.

“You know yoga’s not my cup of tea.”

“I’ve still got twenty minutes to go, so either do it with me or you can wait.”

Merlin rolled his eyes and sighed. “Fine. But please don’t ever ask me to ‘do it with you’ again.”

Ganieda laughed, moving into another position laying on the ground and bending her torso back. Merlin mimicked her position. “What’s going on with the two daddies?”

“We’re doing all right, all things considered.” He looked at his sister warily. “Have you ever talked to anyone about your magic? I mean, where it comes from, what are the possibilities?” Ganieda just looked at him without saying anything. “Arthur said that he thought the baby was keeping him alive and asked me if I knew if that was possible. I don’t know, do you?

“No.”

“I need to know. I need to know if there’s a way that I can-

“Save him?” Ganieda asked, popping up quickly.

It took Merlin a little longer to get up. “Yes. Of course I want to save him. If the baby’s keeping him alive, what happens when it’s born?”

Ganieda took a sip of water. “Aren’t you always telling Arthur to be positive? What happened to that?”

“I still believe that. But if I can do something, I have to try. I can’t …” He took a deep breath.

Ganieda came over and hugged him. She went back into the living room and took out a pad and pen. She wrote something down and handed it to Merlin. “That is the number of an old professor of mine. He might have some of the answers you need.”

 

~*~

“So when do you want to do this?” Gwaine asked out of the blue during Arthur’s fifth month of pregnancy.

“When do I want to do what?”

“Going on the helicopter ride, flying it.” Gwaine plopped down next to him on the sofa.

“I can’t do that anymore.” Arthur said, putting down his triple decker peanut butter, pickle, and ham sandwich (which Merlin thought was the weirdest combination ever.)

“Why not?” Gwaine pouted.

“In case you haven’t noticed, I’m pregnant. You’re not supposed to fly late in your pregnancy.”

“That’s not true. The books say you can’t fly in your third trimester, which you’re not in yet.”

Arthur grinned at Gwaine. “Have you been reading baby books?”

“No.” Gwaine said quickly. “Gan has been reading them. I’ve picked a few things up.” Arthur smiled. “So I know that you can still fly. I’ll be there with you the whole time.” Arthur still seemed hesitant. “I promise I won’t let anything happen to you, or that little peanut inside.”

After thinking it over another minute, Arthur nodded.

“Yes!” Gwaine whooped. He got up and turned to Arthur. “Just don’t puke in my ride, ok.”

 

~*~

Merlin clutched Arthur’s jacket. “Are you sure about this? If the plane starts to fall I don’t know if I can use my magic to stop it. What if -"

Arthur kissed him solidly on the mouth. “For the hundredth time, I’m going to be alright, Merlin. Gwaine’s going to do the take-off and landing, I’ll just be flying for a little bit. It’ll be safe, I promise.”

“Ok, just go and get this over with. I’ll be filming what I can down here and I placed a camera in the plane.”

“Alright baby brother; it’s time to let him go.” Ganieda dragged him away so Arthur could join an already seated Gwaine on the helicopter.

“I hate it when you call me baby brother. You’re two minutes older.”

Arthur put on his headset. He thought he would be feeling a little more panicked, but he was actually doing well. He was actually more anxious when he was learning to swim. Gwaine walked him through the procedure again and gave him another overview of the controls. Arthur gripped the cyclic control which looked like a handlebar and allowed either Gwaine or Arthur to command the helicopter.

“If you’re not ready for take-off, now’s the time to jump.” Gwaine half-joked. Arthur just gave him thumbs up. So Gwaine prepared for take-off. Arthur closed his eyes as the helicopter ascended. After about ten minutes, Gwaine turned to him. “How are you doing?”

“I’m alright.”

“Good. Because it’s your turn now.”

Arthur gaped at him. “Are you sure?” Gwaine nodded. Arthur took a deep breath and grabbed his end of the controller.

“Gently,” Gwaine advised. “You don’t want to over-control it.”

Arthur kept a mental list of everything he was taught during his helicopter lessons as he worked the controls and rudder. “I’m flying this, aren’t I?” Arthur asked incredulously. A huge smile was starting to form on his face.

“You are. And you’re doing a hell of a job.”

“I wish Merlin were here.” The thought just popped into his head suddenly.

“Thanks,” Gwaine said.

“Sorry. It’s just this is amazing. He would love it up here. I just wanted to....”

“Share this with him. I know. I get it. I feel the same way about Ganieda. That’s what it’s like when you’re in love.”

Arthur looked startled. His grip on the cyclic control veered slightly and the helicopter jerked to the side sharply.

“Blimey! Watch the controls, watch the controls!” Gwaine crossed himself. “I’ll remember not to mention the L word again while we’re up here.” After about 20 minutes Arthur was ready to let go of the control as they needed to prepare for landing. Gwaine turned to him with a mischievous smirk on his face. “How would you like to land this thing?”

Arthur’s eyes bulged. “Have you gone barmy, mate? I can’t handle a landing my first time out?”

“You can do it. I told you I’ll take over if anything bad happens. When are you ever going to get a chance to do this again?”

Arthur shakily nodded. As he approached the landing area, he made sure to maintain visual contact. He slowed the plane down and started to slowly descend. Gwaine talked him through everything. He slowed down even more and brought the nose of the helicopter up. He eased off the controls, and as the wheels touched the ground. He applied the parking brake and exhaled a long breath.

Gwaine grabbed him and kissed the top of his head. “Are you sure you’ve never flown before?”

“Pretty good for a first timer?” Arthur smirked. Gwaine laughed. As Arthur stepped out of the helicopter, he could see Merlin running toward him. He met him halfway. Merlin practically threw the camera at his sister and hugged Arthur so tight he was breathless.

“How do you feel?” Merlin asked after finally releasing Arthur.

“Like I’ve just had the best sex of my life.”

“You’ve only had sex once so I’ll let that comment pass.”

Arthur chuckled. “It was indescribable, Merlin. I think you would have loved it.”

Merlin smiled. “I think I prefer the view from down here. I think I almost had a heart attack when the plane veered to the side suddenly. What happened?”

Arthur shrugged. “Nothing. Just a small mistake. I may be amazing, but I’m still an amateur.” Arthur grabbed Merlin’s hand and continued to tell him every little detail of the flight.

 

~*~

“Can’t sleep?”

Arthur looked up at Merlin sharply. He took a deep breath. "Don’t sneak up on me like that?”

“I never sneak. You were too lost in thought to notice anything.” Merlin explained as he sat down next to him. “What are you doing up?”

“I’m a bit restless. Besides, I keep getting up to pee every five minutes. It’s hard to sleep with your arse tied to the toilet.”

Merlin laughed. “What were you thinking about?”

“I was trying to picture what our baby will look like.”

“If it’s lucky, it’ll look like you. And it pains me to say that, since your ego is far too big as it is.” Merlin replied.

“Why would you say that?”

“Oh, come on, Arthur. Look at these ears,” he tugged at the offending feature in question. “Would you really want to saddle a child with these?”

“Well, perhaps not your ears, but everything else Merlin is gorgeous. Your lips, your skin, your nose, and especially your eyes. I think our baby would be lucky to get your looks.”

Merlin was blushing all over. “Uh,” he cleared his throat. “Do you want to find out the sex of the baby tomorrow?”

“I don’t know. Part of me wants to be surprised. Having that anticipation on the day. But on the other hand, I’ve had more than my share of surprises. Plus, I think it could help us better prepare.”

Merlin nodded. “I agree. I think we should find out.”

“Ok. That was easy. I hope all the decisions are like this.”

Merlin laughed. “I highly doubt it.” Arthur just grinned. “Do you think you’ll be able to go back to bed now?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Good.” 

“Why is that good?”

“We can cross something else off your list. You said you’d never had an all-nighter.” Merlin explained.

Arthur nodded. "Right. The only time I’ve stayed up all night is when I’ve been too sick to sleep. It always looks kind of fun in the movies when people stay up all night talking.”

“So, what do you want to talk about?” Merlin asked, getting more comfortable on the couch. 

Arthur thought for a moment. “When did you first start using magic?”

“I’ve been able to use it before I could talk.” Merlin grinned. “Mum said I used to change my own nappies.”

Arthur laughed loudly. “Let’s hope our baby inherits that.” He rubbed his small belly. “What exactly can you do?” 

“Primarily, I can move things with my mind.”

“Have you always been open about it?” Arthur asked.

“Not really. I never really talked about it at school. My mum was really worried about people either picking on me or trying to take advantage. Gan, always told people, but they just thought she was strange.”

“Did you guys have any special twin powers?”

Merlin snickered. “Not really. People always think we must have had our own special language, but we never did. I think the one unusual thing about us- 

“There was only one unusual thing about you two?” Arthur laughed. 

Merlin pinched him lightly. “Quiet, you. Anyway, when we were kids, I used to drive Ganieda crazy by taking her power.”

“You would take her power? How did you do that?”

“I didn’t do it on purpose...not the first time anyway. I grabbed her hand one day while she was having a vision and it just happened. I didn’t even know it had happened until I got this blinding headache one day and had a vision.”

“What did you see?”

“I couldn’t really figure it out. It’s really hard to decipher what you see. Ganieda’s always been better at that than me. You would think having visions might be easy and cool, but it can be really painful and confusing.” Merlin smiled. “But it didn’t stop me from doing it, whenever Gan got on my nerves.”

Arthur chuckled. “Did she take your powers, too?”

Merlin shook his head. “For some reason she couldn’t do it. Only I could, which made her even more annoyed. She was such a nuisance.” Merlin said with a sweet tone of fondness.

Arthur pursed his lips. “I always wanted that. To have a sibling I could annoy and boss around.” Merlin laughed loudly. “It got really lonely, with father and me...and the servants.”

“What happened to your mum?”

“She died giving birth to me.” Arthur bit his lip. “She never saw me. I’ve only seen a few pictures of her. Father doesn’t like to talk about her.” Arthur swallowed heavily. “I look a lot like her. I think it’s hard for him to be around me because of that. I really can’t blame him, but...” He looked at Merlin. “I know you’re nothing like my father, but I need you to promise me that if I die-

“Arthur.”

“Just listen, please? If I die, you have to promise that you won’t treat our child like he’s a horrible reminder of someone you’ve lost.”

Merlin touched Arthur’s stomach. “If you were to die soon, I would _never_ think of this baby as a horrible reminder. I’ll love it no matter what, but knowing there was still a piece of you around would make me love it more.”

Arthur slowly crawled into Merlin’s lap. “Am I too heavy?” Merlin chuckled and shook his head. Arthur kissed him tenderly, running his fingers through Merlin’s hair. He softly kissed Merlin’s top lip, and then his bottom lip before running his tongue gently across Merlin’s mouth. Merlin opened his mouth and they deepened the kiss. Merlin squeezed Arthur’s waist and stuck his hand in Arthur’s shirt, rubbing it up and down his back. 

Arthur broke the kiss and looked at Merlin apologetically. “I hate to break the mood, but I have to pee.”

Merlin trailed kisses down Arthur’s neck. “Do you have to go?”

Arthur moaned. “I think I do, unless being peed on is a kink of yours.”

Merlin pulled away instantly. “Up you go.” Arthur laughed and got up. “If you hear any funny noises out here, I’m just...exercising.” Merlin said.

Arthur nodded knowingly. “Do you exercise with your left or right hand?” 

Merlin threw a pillow at him. When Arthur came back they kept snogging sessions to a minimum and stuck to lighter topics of conversation.

 

~*~

“For cripes’ sake!” Arthur flinched violently as Dr. Emerson squeezed blue goo on his stomach.

“You know it’s cold, Arthur,” Gaius explained.

“Icebergs are cold, Gaius. This was something else.”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “Must you be a drama queen about this every time?” He focused on the monitor, anticipating getting a better shot of the baby then the last time Arthur had an ultrasound. 

“When you’re the one who’s pregnant and having freezing goo put on your stomach, then you get to talk,” Arthur retorted.

Merlin’s response was cut off when the sound of the baby’s heartbeat filled the room. Merlin smiled and grabbed Arthur’s hand.

Arthur stared at the monitor. The thought of having children was something he never pondered before he got pregnant. With the cancer, he was never too sure if he would even survive long enough for it to be an option. Finding out he was pregnant was not exactly thrilling news. But hearing the baby’s heartbeat again, made him realize this was the best thing that ever happened to him.

Gaius pointed out the baby to them and identified and described how the baby was growing. He finally turned to them and asked if they wanted to know the sex of the baby. They answered yes at the same time. Gaius pointed to the screen. “You see that there?”

Arthur and Merlin looked carefully, but saw nothing. “No.”

Gaius smiled. “No penis.”

“So, it’s a girl?” Arthur asked haltingly.

“Either that or the baby has a really, really small kn-

“Yes, it’s a girl.” Gaius interrupted. His eyebrow was so arched it could cut glass.

Merlin and Arthur looked at each other and beamed at each other, before looking back at the monitor unable to stop gazing at their daughter.

 

~*~

Ganieda was beyond thrilled when they told her the baby was a girl. Her exact words were, “finally another person without a penis in this family.” She decided to throw an impromptu get together and invited Lance and Gwen. It was the first time Arthur had been together with all his friends since New Year’s and he had missed it. Though he missed it a little less when Gwen and Lance kept fussing over him and quoting baby books. “You should let me take you shopping for new clothes, Arthur. You are getting a little bit...” Gwen stopped and made a circular motion in front of her stomach. “....Rounder in your mid-section.”

Arthur unbuttoned the grey suit jacket that had been stretched tightly across his belly and looked down. “It probably is about time. Do you think pants and jeans two sizes bigger will work?”

Gwen shrugged. “It’d probably be best to go with sweatpants.”

Arthur laughed. “I don’t think so. I’m a Pendragon, we don’t wear sweatpants.”

“Pendragon’s don’t have sex with magical beings either,” Gwaine chimed in. “Things change.” Everyone but Arthur laughed.

“And you don’t have to worry about paying for it, because it’ll be my treat. What are godmothers for?” Gwen chirped happily.

Ganieda coughed and scratched her head. “Uh...when was that decided? The whole godmother thing.”

Gwen opened and closed her mouth and looked around the group. “I’m sorry. I just assumed. Who else would it be?”

Ganieda raised her hand. “What about me?”

“But you’re already the baby’s aunt.”

“Gwen, I’m sure you and Lance would make lovely godparents. You’re very sweet and responsible, but Merlin doesn’t really know you. It would probably be better if it was someone both Merlin and Arthur trusted,” Ganieda reasoned.

“Well, you and Arthur trust Gwen and Lance, which would be good enough for me,” Merlin volunteered. Ganieda shot him a death glare. Merlin looked down. “But, I think it’s only fair that Arthur makes the final decision.”

Arthur crossed his arms and looked at Merlin. “How is that fair?”

“Because I don’t want to,” Merlin said in a small voice.

Gwen shook her head. “Have you guys really never considered this before? It’s really important, especially considering Arthur’s condition.” Gwen stopped abruptly and looked at Arthur with such shame and regret. “I’m _so_ sorry, Arthur. I shouldn’t have said that.”

Arthur put his arm around Gwen to cut off her guilty rambling. “It’s okay, Gwen. You’re right.” He looked over at Merlin. “It is something we need to discuss.”

 

~*~

After the somewhat awkward godparent discussion, the party died down and Gwen and Lancelot went home. Gwaine and Ganieda retired to their room. Merlin and Arthur went outside and took the bright green patio chairs into the yard and sat down and did some star gazing. Merlin took Arthur’s hand in his, twining their fingers together. “I know I was teasing earlier, but if you want Gwen and Lance as the godparents, I’m fine with that.”

Arthur cocked his head and looked at Merlin skeptically. “Are you sure? Ganieda had a point. You don’t know them very well.”

“I’m sure I’ll get to know them. They’re both very nice and good people. I like the idea of their sanity balancing out my sister and Gwaine’s insanity.”

Arthur laughed. “Alright, that’s good. Another decision down with minimal bloodshed. I’ll leave it to you to tell your sister.”

Merlin shook his head. “Of course.” It started to drizzle lightly, but soon fat drops of rain were pelting down on them. “Let’s get you inside.” Merlin stood up to leave.

Before Merlin could drag him inside, Arthur pulled Merlin farther out into the backyard. “Wait.”

“What are you doing, Arthur? I don’t want you to catch a cold.” Merlin ran his hands up and down Arthur’s arms.

“I’ll be alright for a couple of minutes,” Arthur assured him.

“Is this another thing on your list?”

“Sort of.” Arthur blinked water from his eyelashes. He looked at Merlin and stroked his cheek. Merlin looked perfect. Arthur didn’t know exactly what it was. His hair looked great, wet and slicked back. Merlin kept running his hand through it to keep water out of his eyes, and there was one stubborn strand that refused to stay back. His eyelashes were beautiful and there was something exquisite about the way water droplets clung to his lashes. And his wet lips...Arthur wanted to suck them dry. “Kiss me.”

Merlin looked surprised, but laughed. “Are you serious? You want to have some big movie cliché kissing in the rain moment?”

Arthur nodded. “Yes!”

Merlin shook his head, but was beaming at Arthur. He gently cupped his face and brushed his soft, wet lips against Arthur's. Arthur ran his hands through Merlin’s hair, then ran his hands down Merlin’s body and cupped his arse. Merlin opened his mouth and deepened the kiss, squeezing Arthur's body against him. Merlin slowly pulled away. Arthur’s eyes were still closed. “How was that?”

“Brilliant.” Arthur’s eyes opened suddenly. “Wow, I think the baby agrees.” He crinkled his nose, smiling while looking bemused. “The baby just kicked.” He grabbed Merlin’s hand and placed it on his belly.

Merlin waited expectantly. “Oh!” He felt the strange flutter against Arthur’s belly. “Oh my God. That’s amazing.” They smiled at each other. “Alright, I think it’s time to get you and the future footie player back inside.” He led Arthur back inside, keeping his hand on his belly the whole time. When they got to Arthur‘s room, Merlin went to the bathroom and got a towel to dry Arthur off. He shook his head and still looked awestruck. “You’ve got this actual human person moving and growing in there.”

“I hope it’s human. I would have hated to go to all this trouble for some alien being.”

Merlin grinned. “I know it sounds stupid, with all of the ultrasounds and your belly and whatnot, but feeling it kick... it just feels really weird now...and strange.”

“You’re telling me. This is completely surreal. It’s the most peculiar feeling, but it feels perfect. I already love this baby so much.”

Merlin smiled widely and cupped Arthur’s cheek. “I do, too.” 

Merlin started toweling Arthur’s hair dry and Arthur thought back to the first day they met and after Merlin taught him how to swim. At the time, he’d never felt so close to someone before and that feeling was ten times stronger now. He grabbed Merlin’s hand, stopping his movement. He held Merlin’s face in his hands. “I love you, Merlin.”

Merlin froze, blinking slowly at Arthur. “You...”

“I love you. I think I’ve known for a long time now. But I’ve been really scared that this wasn’t real and that it wouldn’t last. But I know,” he touched his stomach, “that we’re a family now. And I should start acting like it. I don’t want you in a room across the hall. I want you here with me. I want you with me, always.” Arthur couldn’t tell if he was shivering from still being wet and cold or it was the nervous energy he was feeling. Now that he had admitted to what he was feeling, he couldn’t stop talking. “You drive me crazy. You’re stubborn and weird and funny and beautiful. You make me laugh. You make me feel... truly alive for the first time in my life. I told you that I thought the baby was keeping me alive, but it’s both of you. You and the baby.” He looked down at his belly and placed Merlin’s hand there. “This was meant to be, Merlin. I need you in my life. And I need to know that you love me too, that I haven’t just been prattling on like a stupid prat.” He exhaled.

Merlin had tears welling in his eyes. He looked down briefly and when he looked up, tears were falling down his face and he had the most radiant smile on his face. “You have to know that you will always be a prat.” He laughed. “But you’re my prat. I have known that I was in love with you since that very first day I met you. I will never love anyone as much as I love you.” He grabbed Arthur’s face and kissed him, hoping Arthur could feel everything he felt. Merlin clung to him as he kissed Arthur all over his face.

Arthur pulled back and just looked at Merlin’s face, running his hands through his hair.

Merlin put his arms around Arthur’s waist. He pulled back slightly. “We need to get you out of these wet clothes.”

Arthur smirked. “That’s the worst come on line I’ve ever heard.”

Merlin laughed. “I don’t need come on lines. I already know you’re a sure thing.”

Arthur stepped closer, inches from Merlin’s face. “Oh, really?”

“Really.” Merlin closed the distance between the two and kissed Arthur. Merlin opened his mouth and practically devoured Arthur, sweeping his tongue inside, making Arthur’s toes curl.

They made love for the second time that night. And then for a third time and a fourth...Merlin moved his things into Arthur’s room the next day.

 

~*~

Merlin held on to Arthur’s hand tightly. “What about Anna?”

Arthur moved slowly, trying to balance himself on the skates. It took some convincing, but he’d gotten Merlin agree to teach him how to skate, but Merlin was insistent on being by his side the entire time. It made learning and getting his bearings on the skates a bit harder, but it would just take some time, once Merlin was sure that Arthur wouldn’t fall on his arse, or worse, on his stomach, he would be willing to let go a little. To pass the time, they had gotten started on trying to pick a name. They’d already nixed Anwen, Morgana, Ellen, Enid, Wendy, and Cordelia.

Arthur shook his head. “Anna makes me think of _Anna Karenina _and I hated that book.”__

Merlin rolled his eyes. “That’s not arbitrary at all.”

“Says the man who nixed Cordelia because he didn’t like the character from _Buffy, the Vampire Slayer._ " Merlin moved a little and Arthur was able to move a little easier and faster on the skates. “I think I’m getting better.”

Merlin nodded. “I think we should stop in another five minutes.”

“But I think I’m hitting my stride.”

“We’ll come back tomorrow,” Merlin assured him.

Arthur relented.

“What about Ariana?” Merlin suggested getting back to the topic of baby names.

Arthur considered it. After a few moments, he nodded. “That could definitely make the top five.”

Merlin smiled. His cell phone buzzed. He fished his phone out of his pocket. “Hello.”

“Is this Merlin Emrys?” A man with a gravelly voice asked.

“Yes. Who’s this?”

“Professor John Kilgarrah.”

“Oh.” Merlin quickly led Arthur over to a bench in the park and sat a heavily breathing Arthur down. He’d called the Professor a couple of times since Ganieda had given him the number, but he had never picked up the phone nor returned Merlin’s messages. He walked a few feet away from Arthur. “Thank you for returning my call.” _Finally_ , he thought.

“I have a few moments now, if you wish to speak with me,” he announced, dispensing with any pleasantries.

“Now?”

“I was given the impression that this was important.”

“It is.” Merlin looked at Arthur. “Do you still have the same offices at the university?”

“That is correct.”

“Alright. I will be there in a half an hour.”

“Very well.” The professor quickly hung up.

“This is going to be fun.” Merlin mumbled. He walked back over to Arthur. “Professor Kilgarrah finally called me back. He wants me to meet him at his office.”

Arthur started to take his skates off. Merlin rushed to help him. “Is he going to explain things about your magic?”

“I hope so.” Merlin wiped some sweat from Arthur’s brow and then they headed back to the car.

 

~*~

Merlin cursed as he looked at the clock on his phone. It was forty minutes since he had last spoken to the professor. He hoped the professor wouldn’t be too upset about his tardiness. He had tried getting there as fast as he could, but for some reason traffic was horribly busy for a Wednesday afternoon. He knocked uneasily on Dr. Kilgarrah’s door. He heard the door unlock. “Dr. Kilgarrah?” He called out questioningly through the door. “My name’s...

“Merlin. Yes, I know. You may enter.”

Merlin walked in slowly. There was a man with gray hair, somewhat wild, sitting at the desk. He didn’t look up as Merlin entered the room further. “Uh...I’m sorry I was late. Traffic was...” He trailed off, sensing the man wasn’t interested in excuses. “I’m Ganieda’s brother.”

The professor finally looked up and scrutinized Merlin, to the point that Merlin began to squirm in discomfort. “I can see a lot of Ganieda in you. I can also sense a powerful magic.”

“You can sense my magic?”

“Yes.” Kilgarrah motioned for Merlin to sit in the chair opposite him.

Merlin sat down. “How can you sense it? Do you have magic?”

“No. But I’ve made it my business to understand everything I can about magic. People with magic give off a certain aura, that anyone can sense if they pay attention.”

“Oh.” Merlin nodded. There was something about the man’s stare that made him anxious, like he knew things about Merlin that Merlin didn’t. “I’ve looked up as much as I can about magic, but there’s so much I don’t know. I have so many questions.”

The professor nodded sagely. “I don’t know how much help I can provide, but I will try my best.”

“Thank you.” Merlin sighed. “My boyfriend is pregnant and we don’t know if the baby has magic. He has cancer and he told me that he thinks the baby’s keeping him alive and I don’t know if that’s possible. Though I’ve had magic ever since I can remember.

“Your baby will have magic, but he -

“It’s a girl,” Merlin interrupted.

Kilgarrah continued as if uninterrupted. “The child does not have access to his, excuse me, _her_ powers in the womb. She will come into her powers when she is born. She does not have the power to heal your mate at this time.”

“Is there anyone who can? I’ve tried to find spell books and tried all the spells I could, but nothing has worked.”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t tell you how to heal him. If I knew that, I would be a rich man.” The professor lips curled almost imperceptibly. Merlin assumed that was what passed for a smile with him.

Merlin sighed heavily.

“The only thing I can tell you is it would take a greater power than you alone possess to heal his affliction.”

“So, it’s not impossible? Do you think there is a way to save him magically?”

Professor Kilgarrah leaned forward. “I believe anything is possible.”

Merlin looked up and shook his head. It was a nice sentiment, but not exactly helpful. Before Merlin could ask anything else, his phone buzzing interrupted him. “What?” He almost yelled into the phone. “

“Merlin, you need to get to the hospital” Ganieda said softly, but urgently. “It’s Arthur.”

Merlin shot up, breathing faster. “It can’t be labor. It’s too soon.”

“He’s not in labor. He had trouble breathing. I think he’s going to be ok, but you need to get here.” He hung up the phone absent-mindedly and raced towards the door. Ganieda sounded exactly the same way after their mother became sick. Before he left, he turned back to Kilgarrah. “Thank you.”

 

~*~

By the time Merlin made it to the hospital, a dozen worst case scenarios had gone through Merlin’s mind. He burst through the hospital doors, and frantically asked the receptionist for Arthur Pendragon’s room. She said without proof he was family, she couldn’t tell him anything. Merlin was close to making a scene, when Ganieda came down. She grabbed Merlin’s hand. “Come on.”

“Ganieda, what happened?” Merlin asked as they stepped in the elevator.

“Arthur seemed fine when he got back from skating.” Merlin nodded. “But he looked uncomfortable, but when I asked he said nothing was wrong. He was nauseous. Then a few minutes later, he said that he was having trouble breathing. I didn’t know what to do, so I drove him here.”

“That was good. You don’t want to take any chances.”

They stepped off the elevator and Ganieda led him to the waiting area. “The doctors are with him now.”

“Did you call Dr. Emerson?” Merlin asked.

Ganieda shook her head. “I didn’t think about it.”

Merlin took out his phone to call Gaius. “Hello, can I speak to Dr. Emerson, please?”

Arthur’s doctor came out then. Ganieda tugged on Merlin’s shirt to get his attention. They both walked over to him. Merlin hung up before he could speak with Gaius. “How is he?” Merlin asked immediately.

The blonde doctor looked to Ganieda. “This is my brother, Merlin. He’s Arthur’s boyfriend and the baby’s other father.”

“Hello. I’m Dr. Knight. Arthur was asking for you.” He said to Merlin. “He’s doing fine now. His breathing is back to normal, but given his cancer and the pregnancy we want to keep him overnight and run some tests and see what caused the problem.”

Merlin shook his hand. “Thank you, doctor.” Merlin rushed past him and walked into Arthur’s room. As soon as he saw Arthur, he put a smile on his face that didn’t quite reach his eyes. When Merlin got to Arthur’s bed, he kissed him softly. Merlin grabbed a chair and sat down, clutching Arthur’s hand. “You scared me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize, just don’t do it again.”

Arthur shook his head. “I can’t make any promises, but I’ll try.”

“Do you think perhaps we pushed it a little hard with the skating today?” Merlin asked, already beating himself up for giving in to Arthur’s request.

Arthur bit his lip and looked down. “I don’t think that’s it.”

Merlin looked at him worriedly. “What do you think it is?”

Arthur shrugged. “I’m not sure. It’s possible that the medication has stopped working.”

Merlin swallowed, and then nodded before speaking. “That’s alright.” Arthur looked at him sharply. “Wasn’t the medication just supposed to be temporary until you started chemo in your third trimester?”

“It’s not okay, Merlin,” Arthur snapped. He sighed. “Sorry. Chemo was never decided on. We still have to talk about it with Gaius, figure out what’s best for the baby.”

“If chemo is your only option, there’s not much to discuss. Gaius said that the risk to the baby is minimal.”

“Minimal isn’t good enough,” Arthur argued.

“So, what are you saying Arthur? Are you just going to do nothing?”

“I never said that,” Arthur put his head in his hands.

Merlin took a deep breath. He could see that he was stressing Arthur out and he didn’t want to put any more pressure on him. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Arthur. We’ll figure this out. I’m going to call Dr. Emerson and we’ll figure this out.”

 

~*~

The next day, Arthur was getting his things together as he was waiting for Merlin to finish signing him out. They had spoken to Dr. Emerson that morning. He had gone over Arthur’s tests with Dr. Knight and they confirmed what Arthur feared - that the drugs were no longer working. Arthur made an appointment with Gaius for the next day to see what their next step would be. Arthur was dreading it. A knock interrupted his thoughts. “Come in.” The door opened and when Arthur turned around, he gaped at his visitor. “Father?”

Uther walked further into the room without invitation. “Hello, son. How are you?”

Arthur chuckled mirthlessly. “Are you serious? ‘Hello, son. How are you?’ You threw me out of the house, while I’m _pregnant_. You haven’t seen me in months and those are your first words to me?”

Uther sighed. “I’m sorry. I know I didn’t handle things well.”

Arthur nodded. “That’s an understatement.” Arthur turned his back on Uther. “What are you doing here?”

“I heard that you were in the hospital.”

Arthur turned back to look at him. “How did you know that?”

“I’ve had someone keeping an eye on you. You’re my son, Arthur. No matter what happened, I care what happens to you...and your child.” Uther answered.

Arthur recoiled in shock. “You care about my child? You called it a thing and said you would never accept it.”

“I was angry, Arthur, and I overreacted. I can’t say that I’m happy about the circumstances in which my grandchild came to be, but I do want to be a part of its life.”

“Even though it may have magic?”

Uther paused briefly before answering. “Yes.”

Arthur crossed his arms in front of his chest, still very wary of his father and his apology. “It’s a girl.” He tried to gauge whether Uther was disappointed that the baby was a girl, no boy to extend the Pendragon line. But Uther actually smiled.

“That’s wonderful. It’ll be a nice change to have a woman in the family.” Uther approached Arthur. "Arthur, I was hoping that you would consider coming back home. I think that would be best for my granddaughter. You could have the best care possible and help with raising the baby.”

“Father, I can’t move back. I have my own family now, with Merlin.”

Uther pursed his lips and looked down, before pacing to the other side of the room. “Arthur, I understand that men your age like to experiment...sexually.” Uther finished awkwardly. “But one mistake does not make this man family.”

“It wasn’t a mistake. I am gay, father. And I am in love with Merlin. He has been there for me when you haven’t. I’m not going to cut him out of my life or our daughter’s life. If you can’t accept that, then there’s nothing more to say.”

Uther strode over to Arthur. “That man is not your family. I am. If something happens to you, he cannot be trusted to take care of that child. You have no idea what those people are capable of.”

Arthur saw Merlin walk in just before Uther finished his rant. Uther heard the door shut behind him and turned around.

“Am I interrupting something?” Merlin asked.

Arthur shook his head. “No.” He walked past a sputtering Uther. “Nothing’s changed.” He grabbed Merlin’s hand and started to walk out. He turned briefly, wanting to say something, reach out to his father in some way, but couldn’t see the point.

 

~*~

Arthur opened one eye and looked over at Ganieda. She was still sitting serenely with her legs crossed and eyes closed. Arthur regretted letting her talk him into trying meditation. There was no hope of him clearing his mind and relaxing with the baby trying to kick its way out of his abdomen and his back felt as if it was being pricked slowly with sharp knives. He placed his hand on his ever expanding belly and took a deep breath. “May I please get up? I think I’ve put up with this rubbish as long as I can. I’m not about to find my happy place any time soon.” Ever since Arthur’s talk with Uther, he had started to become sullen and withdrawn and as his third trimester began, his pregnancy symptoms worsened.

“Gaius said you need to do some light exercise.” Ganieda replied, not opening her eyes.

“Yes, and he also said I need plenty of rest.” Arthur uncrossed his legs and got up with some difficulty. “So if you don’t mind I’m going to my room and sleeping for a week.

When Arthur got to his and Merlin’s room, he crawled slowly onto the bed, groaning as the cool sheets touched his body. He rolled onto his back. He closed his eyes for a few minutes, but he couldn’t get to sleep. He opened his eyes and pushed himself up, to sit against the headboard. He took a look around the room. Various pieces of clothing were strewn about the room. Merlin was an absolute slob. Arthur was normally very neat, but he was far too tired lately to care where his clothes landed.

It was a moderately sized room, but there was room for little beyond the Queen-sized bed, dresser and two end tables. Arthur was very grateful to Ganieda and Gwaine for opening their home to him, but they needed something bigger for the baby. Arthur and Merlin had discussed it. The main thing keeping them there was money. Arthur’s mother had left him money in a trust but he wouldn’t be able to take control of it until he was 25. The only way he could access it now was through his father, and there was no way Uther would allow that. He wasn’t about to beg his father for help. Merlin had actually managed to get a job as Dr. Kilgarrah’s assistant. It wasn’t a particularly high paying job, but he always had interesting stories to tell. Gwaine and Ganieda had offered to help. They were living fairly comfortably. Ganieda had her own shop as a local psychic and had a decent stream of customers. And Gwaine’s family was well off, even though Gwaine shied away from taking their money.

A part of Arthur, a part he tried to squelch down as much as he could, felt that thinking about moving, or anything to do with his future was a moot point. He had spoken with Gaius about what his options were for treatment. Gaius was adamant that chemotherapy was Arthur’s best option for right now. Arthur wanted to wait a little longer and put off making a final decision. Merlin was trying his best to be supportive, but Arthur knew how anxious he was for Arthur to decide.

When Merlin came home, he climbed into bed with Arthur, wrapping himself around Arthur, touching his belly. He kissed the back of Arthur’s neck tenderly. “How’s my favorite pair doing?”

“Horrible. I don’t think your daughter knows what she wants and it’s driving me crazy. I’m tired all the time, but I can’t sleep. I’m hungry, but can barely eat because I’m nauseous.”

Merlin kissed the top of his head. “It’ll all be over soon.”

Arthur inwardly cringed at Merlin’s choice of words. He turned to face Merlin. "I want to leave.”

“You want to leave?” Merlin bit his lip. “Do you want to go out tonight?”

“No. I meant I want to go somewhere with you. Out of town.”

Merlin sat up slightly. “What brought this on?”

Arthur sighed. “I just want to go somewhere with you, away from this, where we can just relax for a minute. So I can clear my mind and be able to think.”

“Arthur...” Merlin bit his lip. “I don’t think it’s a good idea, for a lot of reasons. You’re seven months pregnant. What would happen if you went into labor? We don’t really have a lot of money. I just started working at a new job. And where would we go anyway?”

Arthur sat up fully. "We don’t have to go far. One of the things on my list is taking a road trip. We can take the car and not go too far. I’m sure there’d be doctors wherever we went. We stay at a cheap hotel, well somewhat, cheap. You can make up some excuse with the professor. And where we go?” Arthur paused. “You think of something. I’ve thought of everything else.”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “You’re unbelievable.” He rubbed the back of his neck, thinking it over. “I did want to go to Ealdor and visit my mum’s grave and tell her about the baby.”

Arthur squeezed his hand. “That sounds like a good idea.”

“I can’t believe I’m thinking about this. We’d have to be back quickly. I don’t like the idea of you being away from Dr. Emerson right now. 

“We can be back in a couple of days. This’ll be good for me, for us, I promise.” Arthur nibbled at Merlin’s ear. “Please, please say yes.”

“I don’t know...” Arthur licked the shell of Merlin’s ear. Merlin closed his eyes and groaned. “Alright.” He gently rolled Arthur onto his back. “Now what do I get in return?”

“My gratitude?” Arthur said haltingly. Merlin leaned down and started kissing Arthur’s neck. Arthur pushed Merlin back a little. “I’m sorry. I’m not really in the mood.”

Merlin rolled away with a long sigh. “That’s alright”

“I could give you a lazy blowjob.”

Merlin clasped his hands together, twiddling his thumbs. “No, thanks. I’d rather avoid the choking hazard of you falling asleep in my crotch...again.” He sighed. “I really miss that phase of your pregnancy when you were hornier than a horde of rabbits on viagra.”

Arthur burst out laughing, turning into Merlin’s shoulder. Merlin chuckled lightly. After his laughter subsided, Arthur looked up at Merlin. “You and me both.”

 

~*~

A couple of days later they headed out on the road. Merlin had invited Ganieda and Gwaine to come along, but Ganieda declined. She was never comfortable visiting their mother’s grave, preferring not to think of their mother’s remains in the ground, choosing her own way to commune with their mother’s spirit. They packed lightly, only planning to be away for two days. 

It was a three hour trip. For the first half hour, they didn’t speak. The only sound inside the car was the squeaking of the leather seats as Arthur slept fitfully, unable to get comfortable. Finally he gave up on sleep and stared out the window. Merlin looked over and sighed. “We could try playing the “I spy…” game.”

Arthur scrunched up his nose. “What’s that?”

“You look out the window and say out loud something that you see. Like, ‘I spy two cows.”

Arthur looked puzzled. “That doesn’t sound very fun. And I don’t know why it would be called a game, there’s very little skill involved.”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “It’s just something to do. My mum used to have us do it on long car rides.”

Arthur gazed out the window again, and then turned back to Merlin. “You talk about your mum a lot, but never say anything about your father.”

Merlin shrugged. “There’s not much to tell. Never knew him.”

“What happened to him?”

Merlin pursed his lips before speaking. “He wanted to be able to better provide for my mum, my sister, and me. He wasn’t finding any work in Ealdor so he left. He got a job in London working as a chauffeur. One day he was going home and was robbed at knife point. He fought back and was killed. He died…alone. My mum didn’t even find out until two days later.”

Arthur squeezed Merlin’s thigh. “I’m sorry.”

Merlin smiled wanly at him. “Mum didn’t talk about him often. But she showed me pictures of them. They were really happy. I look like him. Mum said I'm stubborn like him.” Arthur nodded. “He was a very quiet man and kind.”

“I’m sorry you never got to know him, Merlin.”

Merlin shook his head. “I missed not having him around, but I had my mum and my sister. I was never lonely.”

“You’re lucky that your mum at least talked about him.” Arthur caressed his belly absent-mindedly.

“Your father really told you nothing about your mother?”

“Very little. When I was ten, I found this photograph of her playing the piano. I showed it to him and he told me that she was a very good player. She won a few competitions and really could have been a professional. So I asked him to let me take lessons. I don’t think I was ever really good, but when I played I always pictured her playing, and it was the only thing that made me feel close to her.”

Merlin smiled. “What kind of music did you play?

Arthur looked down somewhat sheepishly. “It’s a little bit odd, but I was kind of going through an Elvis phase...”

Merlin quirked an eyebrow at him. “Really? I would never have pictured it.”

“Well he was the king.”

Merlin smiled broadly. “Right. And who wouldn’t want to be the king?” They both laughed. “Do you think you can teach our daughter how to play?”

Arthur shrugged. “I don’t think so. I’m not really a great teacher.”

Merlin chuckled. “So is it going to be up to me to teach her everything?”

“Maybe.” Arthur answered simply. “You might not have a choice.” He finished in a quieter tone.

Merlin gripped the steering wheel tighter. “You can’t think like that.”

Arthur pinched the bridge of his nose. He didn’t want to take his frustrations out on Merlin. “Look, Merlin, I know that you’re trying to be helpful, but positive thinking is not going to help in this situation. I’m not getting any better.”

“You were. The drugs were working and Gaius said the chemo could help. You have three more months, and then after the baby is born, if the chemo doesn’t work, you can do the treatment you were supposed to before you got pregnant. I know you feel tired and horrible because of the pregnancy-

“Goddammit, Merlin! It’s not about the pregnancy! I have fucking cancer!” Arthur yelled. “Do you not get that? This isn’t something that I’ve been dealing with for a few months. I’ve been dealing with this for _years_. And I am...” He stopped and took a quivering breath. “I’m tired. Do you know that every night I am terrified to close my eyes because I’m afraid that I’ll never wake up again? It feels like I’m constantly struggling to stay alive and I’m just tired, Merlin. I don’t think I can do it anymore.”

Merlin slowly pulled the car over. He stared straight ahead. “What are you saying, Arthur?”

Arthur took a couple of deep breaths and exhaled slowly. “I don’t want to do the chemotherapy.”

Merlin didn’t say anything or look at Arthur. Arthur looked over at Merlin apprehensively. Merlin opened the car door suddenly and walked out, slamming the door behind him. Arthur was caught off guard and took a few seconds to respond. He followed Merlin out. They had stopped beside a barren field of partially dead grass. Merlin walked quickly away from the car and stopped in the middle of the field. He bent over and stuck his head between his knees.

Arthur caught up with him and stopped a few feet away. “Merlin?” He called out tentatively.

Merlin gradually straightened up. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Arthur. I feel like I’m supposed to be supportive and tell you this is okay. It’s your body, your life, so you get to decide what to do with it. But I can’t.” He turned to look at Arthur. “This isn’t just your life anymore, Arthur. We’re supposed to be a family. How can you just give up like this?”

“That’s not fair. I have fought every day. And I am still fighting. I’m just fighting for her now.” Arthur clutched his belly.

“You think I don’t care about our daughter? Of course I want her to be as safe as possible. But this isn’t the way. What am I supposed to do without you, Arthur? What am I supposed to tell our daughter? ‘Sorry your other father couldn’t be here. He got too tired to fight and be here for you.’” Merlin wiped furiously at the tears beginning to fall. “And what about me? You said that you loved me. But now you want to leave me just like almost everyone else in my life.” 

Arthur walked over to Merlin, reaching out for him. Merlin backed away, putting his hand up. Arthur stopped in his tracks. “I’m sorry.”

Merlin laughed bitterly. “That really helps.” He looked around and shook his head. He wanted to hit something, preferably Arthur. But he didn’t want to hurt him, at least not physically. “What is this trip even supposed to be about? Is going to my mother’s grave supposed to be practice for saying good-bye to you? The big difference being my mum actually fought until her last breath to be with her family.”

“Merlin-

“Don’t! Don’t say a word, Arthur. I don’t want to hear anything else. You’ve made your choice, now I have to make mine.” He walked back to the car, not sparing Arthur another glance.

The rest of the way to the hotel was filled with silence. Arthur couldn’t bear to look at Merlin and see the hurt and anger etched in Merlin’s features. Merlin stared ahead robotically, barely blinking. He couldn’t think of anything but just getting to the hotel, going to sleep, and putting this miserable day behind them. Not that the thought of visiting his mother’s grave the next day made him feel any better. As soon as they got to the hotel and he was handed the key, Merlin snatched it and broke land speed records getting to their room and leaving Arthur to finish checking them in.

It was still light out, but Arthur found Merlin asleep, or at least had his eyes closed, on the couch in the alcove. They had planned for Merlin to show him around Ealdor, but he assumed that was off. Arthur had the bed to himself all night, but didn’t sleep a wink.

 

~*~

The next morning, Arthur woke up to the smell of sausage, eggs, and hash browns. When he opened his eyes there was a tray full of food beside him - but no Merlin. There was no sign of him. Arthur ate and washed up. When he was done Merlin was back. He glanced at him briefly when he came out of the bathroom, but still said nothing. After getting dressed and still not a word from Merlin, Arthur sighed and walked over to him. “Are you ever going to say anything to me again? Believe it or not, I miss your idle chatter.” Arthur tried to joke, but it was a weak, half-hearted attempt.

Merlin grabbed his keys and headed for the door. He turned slightly to Arthur. “Are you still coming?”

Arthur didn’t think Merlin would still want him there at the cemetery. He was a little startled, but quickly nodded. “Yes.”

It was a short trip to Avalon cemetery. Merlin parked the car. He gathered the orchids he’d brought, his mum’s favorite. Arthur could tell that Merlin was a little shaky. He wanted desperately to be right there with Merlin, offering him comfort, but any overture from him wouldn’t be welcome now. He decided not to wait in the car, but stood a few feet away. If Merlin needed him, he would come to him.

Merlin crouched down at the grave and put the flowers on the flat gray marble marker. “Hi, mum. I’m sorry I haven’t come sooner. I’m sorry Gan isn’t here either. She sends her love. Well not exactly. She doesn’t really see the point in coming here. ‘If I want to talk to her, I’ll just hold a séance so I can _actually_ talk to her.’” He laughed. “You know how she is.” He sat down on the ground and tried to get more comfortable. “It’s still really hard to think of you being here. I mean I know you’re not really here, but...” He shook his head. “Sorry, I’m not making any sense.” He smiled sadly. “Though you would probably understand. You were always the one person in my life that understood me no matter how much I didn’t make sense. And I think I spent most of my life not making sense. And it wasn’t just because of my magic. I never fit in with any of the other kids. I was just this tall, gangly weirdo with Dumbo ears, who spent most of his time living in his own head rather than on Earth. You always said it was okay that I was different. ‘I wouldn’t have it any other way.’ And you were always so patient with me. I don’t know any other mothers who would have starred in every one of my ridiculous plays, especially when I had you dress up in that uncomfortable Dalek costume. You let me find myself in my own way and my own time. I know it might have taken a little longer than it should have, but I finally did it.”

He looked back at Arthur, who inched a little closer. “I’ve met someone, mum. He’s not at all who I pictured myself with. And he can be such a humongous prat. I swear if I didn’t love him so much, I could strangle him right now. But I do. I love him. I love him so much it scares me sometimes. I think you would have loved him. He doesn’t like to admit it, but he has such an amazing heart. He is kind and generous and smart. Did I mention that he’s kind of-sort of rich and beautiful? If it weren’t for the fact that he’s dying he’d be perfect.” He let out a loud and desperate laugh. His laughter abruptly died down and he leaned forward, bracing himself on the ground. “He has cancer and is refusing treatment to protect our baby. Sorry, I guess I forgot to mention that part. My boyfriend is pregnant. I’m going to be a father....I’m going to be a father. I have to keep repeating it because I still can’t really believe it. I have no idea how to do that. And if I have to do it alone...” His voice cracked.

“I don’t know how you did it, mum. I need you to tell me how to do this. I need you to be there when she’s born so you can meet her and make sure I don’t do irreparable damage. I need you to tell me how to save Arthur. I need you...” Tears began to fall and before he knew it his body was wracked with sobs. He felt two strong arms wrap around him and hold him close. He turned around in Arthur’s arms and clutched at him desperately. “I need you, Arthur.” Arthur just held him up, stroking his hair, and rocking him back and forth until his tears subsided.

 

~*~

They were supposed to leave the next morning, but Arthur decided heading home right away would be for the best. Merlin didn’t put up a fight. He still looked drained. Despite protests from Merlin, Arthur drove most of the way home. He’d never officially gotten his license but he wanted Merlin to get some rest. Merlin had spent so much time taking care of him; he felt it was time he returned the favor. Arthur tried to listen to music on his iPod, but wasn’t in the mood for music and turned it off quickly.

“I’m sorry.”

After a half hour of silence, Arthur was so startled he swerved the car briefly, before getting back in the proper lane. “Bugger!” The baby apparently wasn’t a fan of the excitement and started kicking really hard. Arthur put his hand on his stomach.

“Are you alright?” Merlin asked with concern.

“Yes, I’m fine.”

“I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to startle you.” Merlin put his hand on Arthur’s stomach. The baby always seemed to respond to Merlin’s touch and calmed down soon after.

“It’s alright. What did you say before?”

“I said I’m sorry,” Merlin repeated.

“What do you have to be sorry about?”

“I shouldn’t have yelled at you before. I can’t blame you for not wanting to do the chemo. I know that you’re trying to protect our daughter.”

Arthur shook his head. “Please don’t apologize to me, Merlin. You had every right to be upset. The truth is that I know I keep saying I want to protect our daughter, and that is true, but...” He took a deep breath. “I don’t want the chemo because I’m scared. I’ve been through this before, Merlin. It’s maddening to know that the only thing I can do to get better is go through something that makes me feel ten thousand times worse and makes me want to die that much sooner. And then it still doesn’t get better.” Tears fell from eyes and he fought the urge to wipe them away. He was tired of holding it all in. “I don’t think that I can go through that again, especially now. I can’t have that hope that I might finally get the family that I’ve always wanted, only for it to not work again. I don’t want to waste the time I could be spending with the baby, being sick.” He looked over at Merlin, who stared straight ahead. He could see a tear running down his cheek. “I’m sorry that I’m not brave like your mother. I-I don’t want you to hate me, Merlin.”

“Pull over.” Merlin said simply.

Arthur looked over hesitantly, but did as instructed.

“Look at me, Arthur.” Arthur did so slowly. Merlin took his face in his hands. “I could _never_ hate you. You are just as my mum was. You could have gotten rid of this baby so easily, and saved your own life, but you didn’t. You gave this baby a chance and you brought us together. I will always, _always_ , love you.” He kissed him tenderly. He pulled back and stroked Arthur’s cheek. “I just want you to give yourself the same chance. I understand that you’re scared and why and I won’t force you to do something that you’re not comfortable with, but I want you to please give yourself a chance. And I promise I will be here with you every step of the way.”

Arthur nodded. He had no doubt that Merlin would be there for him to lean and would take care of him. He wanted desperately to say he would do it, but he couldn’t manage to form the words.

Merlin sighed, but kissed Arthur’s forehead. He took him in his arms and hugged him tightly.” It’s okay. Just please promise me that you’ll think about it.”

“I will,” Arthur promised.

 

~*~

Arthur stared at a picture of his mother. It was one of the only ones he had. His father had given it to him before his first chemotherapy treatment. It was a simple picture. She was lying in bed, pregnant with him, and gazing down at her stomach with the most beautiful smile. It had given him a tremendous amount of piece during each treatment.

Arthur kept to his word and thought of nothing but what to do next for days. He tried to weigh the pros and cons, but it wasn’t making the decision any easier. He had spoken to Dr. Emerson and made an appointment to speak with him the next day. He still hadn’t decided what to do, but was determined to make a decision. He had spent most of the day staring at his mother’s picture, hoping that she would help him somehow decide. After three, it finally worked. He came to the only decision he felt he could live with. He picked up his phone and called Lance. “I need your help with something.”

 

~*~

When Merlin got home from work, he was surprised to find Arthur dressed in a suit, an oversized suit to accommodate his oversized belly, but looking very dapper nonetheless. He practically did a double take. “What’s going on?”

“We’re all going out tonight,” Arthur announced, doing up his cufflinks.

“We are?” Merlin asked skeptically. “I didn’t think you’d be up for any kind of socializing.”

Arthur shrugged. “I’m not really. My feet are killing me. I look like a giant penguin. And I can barely keep my eyes open.”

“Well, then it’s clearly the right time to party.”

Arthur chuckled. “I want to do this...for you.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Just trust me. I’ve put out a suit for you on our bed and we’re going to meet our friends in an hour,” Arthur explained.

Merlin wrinkled his nose. “I hate wearing suits.”

Arthur put his arms around Merlin’s neck. “Please, for me.”

Merlin rolled his eyes, but had a soft smile on his face. “Alright.”

“Thank you.” Arthur gave him a peck on the lips.

“Where are we going?”

Arthur gave him a long, lingering kiss. Merlin still had his eyes closed when Arthur pulled back. “It’s a surprise.”

 

~*~

When they arrived at their destination, Merlin smiled. “Does this mean what I think it does?”

Arthur just smirked. “Perhaps.”

Merlin laughed. “Piano Kensington.” Merlin looked at the narrow opening. “It’s really tiny.”

“It’s bigger on the inside.”

“Like the TARDIS.”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “You’re such a nerd, Merlin.” Merlin laughed as Arthur took his arm and escorted him inside. “The others are inside.”

They walked into a somewhat small rectangular room with pale yellow walls. There was a small black leather couch in the front, with a few rectangular tables stuffed into the room. A grand piano was in the back. Gwaine, Ganieda, Lancelot, and Gwen were seated at a table near the piano. Merlin and Arthur were greeted with big smiles and hugs. Lance and Gwaine were looking just as dashing as Arthur and Merlin in black tie suits. Ganieda looked stunning in a fiery red spaghetti strapped dress. Gwen looked beautiful in an off the shoulder purple floor length dress.

“So young Pendragon, you’ve got us all dressed up. What’s the special occasion?” Gwaine asked, guzzling champagne already.

“Can’t a man just invite his friends out for a night of drinking, good cheer, and music?” Arthur asked.

“Not a man named Arthur Pendragon,” Gwaine gave Arthur a cheeky grin.

Lance shook his head and looked at Gwaine with fondness and annoyance. “Would you let the man talk?”

“Thank you.” Arthur said, looking over at Lance appreciatively. “And thank you for getting your friend to let us have this place for the night.” Lance nodded. Arthur cleared his throat. “I just really want you all to know how much your support over the years, and especially now, has meant to me. I haven’t always made it easy, but you’ve all stuck with me and I know I don’t say it a lot...but I love you.”

Gwen sniffled loudly and buried her face in Lance’s shoulder. Out of all of them she had known Arthur the longest and had rarely heard him say that. She had a feeling that there was something Arthur wasn’t saying, and that it was bad. Gwaine and Ganieda just smiled at Arthur. Gwaine squeezed Ganieda’s hand extra hard. Ganieda squeezed his hand back and poked him in the side to make him laugh. She could tell that he was valiantly trying to hold in his emotions, but was close to cracking. The last thing he wanted to do was lose it in front of his friends, especially Arthur.

Merlin just put his arm around Arthur and beamed at his boyfriend. He knew how much that took for Arthur to say out loud in front of everyone and was proud of him.

Arthur continued. “As you all know, I’ve been working on this bucket list of mine and have been trying to cross things off for the last few months. There have been many things on there that I’ve been very nervous about. But what I’m about to do was one that I was especially dreading. I wanted to play the piano for an audience. I suppose I’m cheating a little by just doing it for my friends, but baby steps I suppose.” He took Merlin’s hand and walked over to the piano. “Sit here please.” He pointed to the stool right beside the piano. Merlin took a seat. Merlin saw his video camera mounted on a stand behind Arthur and grinned.

Arthur sat at the piano and adjusted the microphone. He looked down and took a few deep breaths before starting. Merlin smiled when he recognized the opening melody of “Can’t Help Falling in Love.”

_Wise men say only fools rush in_  
But I can't help falling in love with you  
Shall I stay  
Would it be a sin  
If I can't help falling in love with you 

Arthur faltered slightly starting the next verse. He stopped briefly and closed his eyes. When he looked up, Merlin mouthed, “it's ok” and nodded for him to continue. Arthur got back on track. He looked into Merlin’s eyes.

_Like a river flows surely to the sea_  
Darling so it goes  
Some things are meant to be  
So take my hand, and take my whole life too  
Cause I can't help falling in love with you 

Merlin’s eyes were brimming with tears.

_Like a river flows so surely to the sea_  
Oh my darling so it goes  
Some things are meant to be  
So won't you please just take my hand 

Arthur paused and reached out for Merlin, who gripped his hand tightly. Arthur didn’t even notice that tears were running down his cheeks as well. He let go of Merlin's hand and started to play again.

_...and take my whole life too_  
Cause I can't help falling in love, in love with you  
Cause I can't help falling in love, falling in love,  
I keep falling in love with you 

Before Arthur finished playing, Merlin sat right beside him on the piano bench. When he was finished, Merlin grabbed Arthur’s face and kissed him fiercely. Arthur wrapped one hand around Merlin’s neck and the other strayed unconsciously to his belly. Merlin pulled back slowly and pressed his forehead to Arthur’s. “I love you,” Merlin whispered.

“I’m going to do the chemo.” Merlin pulled back a little. “I keep thinking about my mother. I know that if there was a way she could have survived, she would have taken it. I can’t let our child grow up without me, not without doing everything in my power to make it. I’m scared, but I know that I have to fight.”

“We’re going to fight together,” Merlin vowed.

 

~*~

Gaius scheduled Arthur for five cycles of treatment, with a two week rest period between cycles. Merlin drove Arthur to his first treatment and to the almost daily doctor’s appointments afterwards to check Arthur’s blood count. Gaius was especially worried because the last time Arthur had chemo it had lowered his healthy blood cells considerably and he had been prone to infections, which now could be not only harmful to him, but the baby as well.

At first, Arthur’s symptoms were manageable and were no different than during the first trimester of his pregnancy. He was incredibly tired and threw up violently the first day after treatment, but that quickly diminished with the anti-nausea medication he had been prescribed.

Taking care of Arthur became a team effort. After his second cycle of treatment, he developed mouth sores that made it incredibly difficult to eat or swallow. Gaius had prescribed him “magic mouthwash” to help with the pain, but it wasn’t helping. Ganieda bought a month’s supply of popsicles and ate them with him, while introducing him to the joys of “Doctor Who” with a marathon viewing of the show. The popsicles helped with the pain. Merlin was incredibly happy that Arthur was feeling better, but couldn’t help feeling a tad jealous (“You popped your ‘Who’ cherry without me.”)

Arthur could barely make it out of bed most days. Ganieda and Gwaine tried to engage him with some more light exercise, but he was having none of it this time. The only one who was able to coax him outside for short walks was Gwen. Gwen even managed to convince Arthur to come to one meeting of a cancer support group she volunteered at. Arthur didn’t say anything, but did feel somewhat comforted being around others who knew what he was going through.

Merlin took care of Arthur every way he knew how. He made sure Arthur ate right, managed Arthur’s medications, and helped him every time (and it was quite a lot) he needed to go to the bathroom. He went shopping for baby clothes, diapers, formula, and a crib with his sister and Gwen and had started to fix up the guest room next to his and Arthur’s bedroom as a temporary nursery. He had also started talking to the baby. He would rub Arthur’s feet and read stories to the baby or tell her about his day. Unfortunately, Arthur became more and more withdrawn and not talking to Merlin or anyone.

Merlin came home and found Arthur asleep in the comfy leather armchair in the family room. Merlin approached quietly and kissed Arthur’s forehead, sweeping his fringe aside. Arthur blinked open his eyes slowly. “Hey, Artie-"

“I told you not to call me that,” Arthur grunted.

“Sorry.” He took a thick book out of the plastic bag in his hand. “I bought a book of baby names. Maybe we can go through it and try and narrow down our choices?” He handed the book to Arthur.

Arthur dropped the book immediately. “We don’t need some stupid book to name our child.”

Merlin sighed and picked up the book and set it down on the coffee table. He wrung his hands, trying to think of something to say, something that might engage Arthur’s interest. “You’re birthday’s in a few weeks. Do you want to have some kind of get together with your friends?”

“No. I just want to stay here.”

“Is there anything special I can get you?”

“You could make me not sick. That would be a great present.” Arthur stood up with some effort, waving off Merlin’s attempt to help. He walked over to their bedroom.

“Where are you going?” Merlin asked, following Arthur.

“I’m going to take a bath.”

“Do you need help?”

Arthur turned to face him. “No. I can still bathe myself. I’m not that pathetic.” He closed the door behind him.

Merlin sighed, laying his head against the door. Soon, he went inside and sat on their bed. He tried to look at the baby naming book, but couldn’t concentrate, one eye on the bathroom door. After about twenty minutes he heard a loud thud and muffled shout. He raced to the door. “Arthur?!” When he opened the door, Arthur was naked on the ground, crouched on one knee. Merlin rushed over to him. “Arthur, what happened?” He helped Arthur up carefully.

“I just lost my balance. I just fell on my knee, it’s alright,” he said shakily.

Merlin inspected his knee. There was a big, red bruise already forming. “Do you think I should call Dr. Emerson?”

“It’s just a bruise, Merlin,” Arthur said, walking away from Merlin with a slight limp.

“But you’ve been bruising a lot easier lately.”

“I’m well aware of that, Merlin. I think I know what’s going on with my body better than you do.” Arthur turned to the dresser drawer and had difficulty opening it.

“I know that, Arthur. I’m just worried. And...” He stopped when he noticed Arthur just staring at the contents of the drawer. “Arthur, is something wrong?”

Arthur turned to him, staring down at his hands. He sighed. “I can’t feel my hands and feet. I can’t even pick up a shirt.”

Merlin calmly walked over and picked out a shirt for Arthur. He helped Arthur raise his arms and put the large burgundy pullover on him. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay, Merlin! I can’t even fucking dress myself!” His voice was trembling and he avoided looking into Merlin’s eyes.

Merlin lifted Arthur’s face to look at him. “We’re going to call Gaius, and he’ll know what to do. You’ll get through this.” He looked confidently into Arthur’s eyes and nodded. Arthur nodded back. Merlin led Arthur to their bed, laid down with him, and held him close. He kissed the top of Arthur’s head.

“I’m sorry,” Arthur said suddenly.

“What are you sorry about?”

“I’m sure it hasn’t escaped your attention that I can be a horrible prat when I’m sick,” Arthur explained.

“I hate to break it to you, Arthur, but that’s the case even when you’re not sick,” Merlin teased.

Arthur laughed for the first time in weeks. “Shut up, Merlin.” Arthur’s smile fell. “I don’t mean to take this out on you. I know you’re doing your best and I can’t imagine how much worse I would feel if you weren’t here.”

“I’m a big boy, Arthur. I can take whatever you dish out,” he chuckled. “I mean, within reason. I know why you act the way you do and I know that you love me.”

“I do.” He snuggled closer to Merlin. “I just want this to be over. I’m so scared, Merlin, especially for the baby. I’ve barely made it past the first month of treatment. I don’t know how to do this for another three months.”

Merlin didn’t know what to say; he just held Arthur a little tighter.

After Arthur fell asleep, Merlin grabbed one of Arthur’s shirts. He quietly left the room and looked for his sister. She was in the kitchen chopping up fruits and vegetables for one of her smoothies. Merlin grabbed her hand and placed Arthur’s shirt in it. “Here.”

She looked down at it and crinkled her nose. “Sorry Merlin, not my week for laundry.” She attempted to hand it back.

Merlin shook his head. “I don’t care what you have to do, but you need to get some kind of vision.”

Ganieda looked at the shirt incredulously. “Merlin, you know that’s not how my visions work. If I could help you, don’t you think I would be doing everything I can? I’ve been trying. The only thing I see when I think about saving Arthur is you and the baby.”

“That’s it?”

“Yes.”

“That’s great, Ganieda,” Merlin retorted. “That doesn’t tell me anything.”

“I’m sorry, Merlin. You know I only see what I’m meant to.”

Merlin groaned, snatching Arthur’s shirt back. “So what does that mean? I’m not meant to save Arthur?”

Ganieda shrugged helplessly. “I don’t know.”

Merlin ran his hands through his hair, tugging at it roughly. “Then what good are your stupid visions? You can tell people all kinds of stupid shite for your business, but when it really counts you’re completely useless. You couldn’t save mum and now you can’t save Arthur. What good are you?”

Ganieda recoiled at Merlin’s words. She knew he was incredibly stressed, but she’d never seen him like his. He had never said something so hurtful before. She dug her fingernails into her palm, and tried to hold back a bitter retort. She could tell by the look on his face that he knew what he said was wrong.

He covered his face with his hand and shook his head. “I’m so sorry, Gan. You didn’t deserve that.”

Ganieda put her arms around Merlin and hugged him. “I know that you’re worried.”

“I’m more than worried. I’m scared out of my mind. And I can’t let Arthur see that. He is in so much pain and I’m useless to stop it.” His breath hitched and he fought back tears. “I can’t bear to lose anyone else, Gan. I don’t want to lose him.”

Ganieda pulled back and looked at her brother. “I understand why you have to keep it together for Arthur, but you can’t keep this all inside. You can talk to me or Gwaine.” Merlin nodded. “Merlin, I may not have any visions to back this up, but I truly believe with all my heart that Arthur will survive. You’re going to get him through this.”

Merlin could see that Ganieda truly believed that. He hoped that he could find the faith that she had.

 

~*~

Arthur’s birthday arrived and the first person who actually received a gift was Merlin - Arthur’s sex drive was back. Arthur and Merlin hadn’t had sex since before Arthur’s third trimester started. Neither one really brought it up, Arthur being too tired to think about it and Merlin was too worried about Arthur’s health to be concerned about it. But Merlin was still pleasantly surprised when Arthur woke him up with a blow job. Arthur even managed not to fall asleep and promised Merlin that there would be more later.

Arthur had received more visitors later. Gwen and Lance stopped by and gave Arthur a signed autograph from one of Arthur’s favorite football players. Lance had actually treated the man after a game injury. 

Ganieda and Gwaine’s present was bit more extravagant. Ganieda covered Arthur’s eyes and led him onto the patio. “Now you better appreciate this, princess. It took quite a bit of effort to haul this thing here quietly,” Gwaine announced.

“Just shut it and take the cover off,” Ganieda instructed him. “I told Merlin I’d wait, but I couldn’t wait to show you this.” Ganieda took her hands away.

Arthur gasped; staring back at him was a black grand piano. He walked over to it and ran his hands over it. “You got me a piano?”

“It was Merlin’s idea. It’s from all of us. I think you and your guest will enjoy it,” Ganieda added.

Arthur was too busy staring at the piano to pick up on what Ganieda had said for a few seconds. When he did, he looked back at her. “What guest?”

And of course then there was a knock at the door.

“Spooky isn’t she?” Gwaine remarked.

“When are you going to get it in your head, Arthur, that I’m a psychic?” Ganieda said, looking back at the front door.

“Who is it?” Arthur asked.

“You’ll have to see for yourself. Just keep an open mind eye, Arthur,” Ganieda pushed Arthur in the direction of the door before taking Gwaine’s hand and heading out. 

Arthur got to the door on the third knock. He opened the door and was surprised to see his father standing in front of him. “Father? Did Ganieda invite you here?”

Uther shook his head. “No. It’s October 10. I’d never forget your birthday, especially not this one.” Uther couldn’t keep his eyes off Arthur’s huge belly.

“What’s so special about this one?” Arthur asked. He was gripping the door, partially from exhaustion but also because there was a big part of him that just wanted to slam the door in his father’s face.

“It’s the last one before you’re a father. I think it makes it a special occasion.” He paused as Arthur continued to stare. “May I come in?”

“I don’t know if that would be a good idea. ‘Those people’ live here and I don’t know how comfortable you would be breathing the same air they have.”

Uther bowed his head. “I know you’re still angry with me, and you have every right to be, but I would like to speak with you and explain myself.”

Arthur sighed. “I’m too tired to stand here and argue with you.”

“I promise not to argue with you,” Uther said.

Arthur could see that he was sincere, so he opened the door wider and let Uther inside. He led Uther to the family room and sat down wearily.

“How are you doing?”

“Aren’t your spies keeping you informed?”

“I’d like to hear about it from you.”

“I’m eight and a half months pregnant, I have cancer, and I’m going through chemotherapy. I’m brilliant,” Arthur replied with a healthy dose of sarcasm, hoping to shame his father for not only asking a stupid question, but for the attitude that had kept them apart for so long. The longer Uther was nice to him, the more nervous he became. “You said you wanted to explain, so just explain father.”

Uther cleared his throat. “Alright. I am concerned about you having a child born from magic-"

“I know that already. All people with magic are loathsome, detestable creatures according to you.”

“I wasn’t finished,” Uther replied. “I’m concerned because I know what can happen when a child is born from magic. Because that is how you came into being.”

All the breath left Arthur’s body. He clutched his stomach and tried to take deep breaths. Uther stood up, but made no move to get closer to Arthur. He knew Arthur wouldn’t allow it. He hovered anxiously around Arthur until the color returned to Arthur’s face. “What are you talking about father? I don’t have magic?”

“I know that. But you were conceived with the aid of magic.”

Arthur shook his head. “I don’t believe this.”

“It’s true. Your mother and I tried for years to have a child, but we were told it would never happen. I had made my peace with it, but your mother never did. She wanted to have a child more than anything in this world. She was approached by a woman, Nimueh Lake, who promised her that she could help her conceive a child - with magic.”

“Me,” Arthur whispered.

“Yes. She paid the woman without telling me because she knew that I wouldn’t approve. I thought the idea of magic was ridiculous and unnatural even before what happened. She got pregnant and we were both overjoyed. But soon after, your mother started to become violently ill - beyond the normal pregnancy side effects. After we took her to see Gaius and he couldn’t explain what was happening, she finally admitted what she did. Gaius explained that the kind of magic that Nimueh used always required a sacrifice. A life for a life.”

Arthur put his face in his hands. He always felt he killed his mother, but didn’t realize how much worse it actually was. He looked up at his father. “I assume you tried to convince her to end the pregnancy, like you did with me?”

Arthur was grateful that his father actually looked ashamed when he nodded in confirmation. “I loved your mother dearly and I didn’t want to lose her, but she refused to even consider it. She loved you and refused to sacrifice you to save herself. She loved you so much - the way you love your child.”

“That’s why you hate me,” Arthur said in a small voice.

Uther looked stunned. More stunned than Arthur had ever seen him. His eyes bulged. He swallowed thickly before speaking. “If you feel that way, then that has to do with my failings as a father. It is not your fault. I mourn the loss of your mother every day. But I have loved you since the moment Gaius put you in my arms twenty-three years ago today. I don’t regret your birth, just the circumstances surrounding it. No matter what you think I do love you, Arthur. I’m just not good at showing it, and I’m sorry for that.”

Arthur bit his lip and looked down. He caressed his stomach. “I know you don’t know this, but I made a list of things that I wanted to do and experience before I die. The only thing I didn’t have the courage to write down was that I wanted this. I wanted one honest moment with you. So thank you for giving me that.” He stood up. “Merlin, Ganieda, and Gwaine bought me a piano for my birthday. Would you like to play?”

Uther smiled. “I would love, too.”

They walked to the patio and sat at the piano. “Perhaps you could tell me some stories about my mother?”

“I’ll try.”

They played for an hour with breaks in between where Uther opened about his mother like never before. He told Arthur about how he and his mother met. He told him about their wedding. And he told him about some of his mother’s quirks (“She had an odd obsession with Kung Fu movies.”) He laughed with his father more than he ever had. Uther had just started to show him how to play “Hey Jude” when Arthur felt a slight ache in his back and rubbed his back.

“Are you alright?” Uther asked, concern in his voice.

“Yes. I just think it’s been awhile since I’ve been sitting up this long. My back is starting to hurt.”

“Do you want to lie down?”

“No,” Arthur said quickly. “I’m really enjoying this.” Soon after Arthur felt a slight twinge of pain in his stomach. He worried that it could possibly be contractions, even though his due date wasn’t for another three weeks. But he wouldn’t panic just yet. Gaius had prepped him and Merlin on what to look out for and there was nothing to worry about yet.

Fifteen minutes later he started to worry. The pain in his abdomen was even sharper this time. “Father, I don’t mean to alarm you, but it’s possible I might be in labor.”

Uther hit a discordant note on the piano. “I’m sorry?”

“There’s no need to panic. The contractions have only just begun,” Arthur said with more calm than he was feeling. “Merlin has already packed my bag. You know the way to the hospital. There is absolutely no reason to panic.” He got up, looked down and scrunched his nose. “Alright, I may have to take that back. I think my water just broke.”

Uther stood up abruptly. “Oh dear! Uh...”

Arthur chuckled. If he wasn’t slightly panicked himself, he would really be enjoying this. He didn’t recall ever seeing his father this flustered before.

“Would you like me to rip up some sheets or boil water?”

Arthur bit back a grin. “Uh, no. Because I’m not giving birth in a Western. Nor am I giving birth here. There’s plenty of time to get me to the hospital.”

Uther cleared his throat. “Do you need me to call your...Merlin?”

Arthur rubbed his eyes. Was Uther...blushing? Arthur smiled. “Yes. Thank you.”

 

~*~

Merlin was surprised to find that he was actually enjoying his job with Professor Kilgarrah. To call the man eccentric would be putting it mildly. He kept odd hours, his files were in a complete mess, he refused to make eye contact when speaking to anyone, and he spoke in such vague generalities, it drove Merlin nuts. But he was interesting and had an amazing collection of occult books that he allowed Merlin to look at whenever he liked. Merlin was on his lunch break and perusing a book about ancient magical artifacts when the professor came back to his office from an academic teacher’s meeting, grumbling about stuffy bureaucrats. He took a seat and looked up at Merlin and startled as if noticing him for the first time. “Young warlock how long have you been here?”

“I’ve been here for three hours. And I’ve asked you before, but could you please not call me ‘young warlock.’” Merlin answered.

“Why not?”

“It’s kind of weird and off-putting.”

Kilgarrah simply nodded. “Alright.” He started shuffling papers on his desk; making a mess of the desk Merlin had spent all morning organizing. “Young Merlin, I’ve been looking into your predicament some more. I’m afraid I have nothing new to report on curing your partner.”

Merlin suppressed the urge to roll his eyes at his “young Merlin” and smiled at the professor. “Thank you for trying.” Kilgarrah nodded. “It’s been so frustrating. I don’t understand why I have this magic when I can’t even use it when it counts the most.”

“I believe we do what is destined for us. If it is your destiny to protect Arthur you will know when the time is right.”

“My sister kind of said the same thing.” Merlin sighed.

“I was reading up on the birth of a magical child. It is quite a special experience.” Kilgarrah changed the subject abruptly, as he often did.

“Gaius said the same thing.”

“When your child comes into its powers, it has been said there is a special energy and magic in the air that is quite potent.” Kilgarrah went on. “You don’t suppose you would allow me to be there to witness it.”

Merlin wrinkled his nose. “Yeah, normally I would say the more the merrier. But Arthur doesn’t know you and I think while he’s giving birth won’t be the best time to make introductions.”

“Ah, I see. Very well.”

Merlin’s cell phone vibrated. He checked the caller ID and it was coming from a number he didn’t recognize. “Hello.”

“Hello. This is Uther Pendragon. Am I speaking with Merlin Emrys?”

“Yes.” Merlin said slowly.

“I’m taking Arthur to the hospital. It seems he’s in labor. You can meet us there. Arthur assures me you know the address. Is that correct?”

Merlin stared ahead, unblinking. “Labor?” He squeaked out.

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?”

“His water broke on my shoes. How sure would you like me to be?” Uther retorted.

“Alright, alright, alright, alright...I can’t stop saying ‘alright.’

“I noticed.”

“Ok.” He shot up and started hastily collecting his things. “I’ll be right there.”

“Alright.” Uther said. “Try to calm down. Arthur doesn’t need anything happening to you.”

“Nothing will. Thank you for calling me.”

“You’re welcome.” Uther hung up.

“I-I-I have to go. The baby’s a little anxious to get here. Arthur’s in labor.” He was halfway out the door when he registered Kilgarrah’s ‘good luck.’”

 

~*~

Merlin came skidding into the hospital. He was greeted almost immediately by Lance, who worked at the hospital. “Where’s Arthur?”

“He’s up on the second floor. He’s already settled in his room. Gaius is prepping him for surgery. Here,” Lance handed Merlin blue scrubs, “change into that and I’ll take you to him.”

After Merlin changed, in record time, Lance did as he said and took Merlin to Arthur’s room. Merlin practically sagged in relief when he saw Arthur. He brushed past Uther and threw his arms around Arthur. “I’m so sorry it took me so long to get here.”

“It’s ok. Your daughter doesn’t like to keep to schedule any more than you do.”

Merlin pulled back and stroked his hand through Arthur’s hair. “Why is she always ‘your daughter’ when she does something you don’t like?”

Arthur smiled at him. “Get used to it.”

Merlin just shook his head. He looked over at Uther. He stood up a bit stiffly. “Hello.”

“Hello.”

Merlin turned back to Arthur. “Where’s Ganieda and Gwaine?”

“They’re on their way. My father stopped by for my birthday and they left to give us privacy.” Arthur explained.

Merlin looked between the two of them. “How’d that go?”

Arthur looked at his father. “Things are better.”

Merlin nodded. “That’s good.” He looked at Arthur quizzically. “You seem awfully calm.”

“They gave me an epidural.” Arthur motioned for Merlin to come closer. He then whispered. “I can’t feel the lower half of my body. It’s better than sex.”

“You say that a lot. You’re lucky I’m not sensitive or I might start to get offended.”

Gaius walked in the room. “It’s time.” Some orderlies came in to wheel Arthur out. Merlin went to follow but was stopped by Uther.

“May I speak to you briefly?”

Merlin looked over at Arthur and back at Uther. “I’ll be right behind you.” He kissed Arthur’s cheek. They wheeled him out and he turned back to Uther. “Yes?” He asked a bit nervously.

“I think I may owe you an apology.” Merlin looked startled. “I don’t say that very often, but it is warranted on this occasion. I had a bad experience with magic and I took it out on you, without even knowing you. I can see that you clearly love my son and make him happy. You’re about to become a father, and you will soon understand that is the most important thing I parent can want for their child.”

“Thank you for that. I do love Arthur. I will always love him and protect him, no matter who I have to protect him from.” Merlin said pointedly.

“Good.” Uther said.

“I have to go.”

Uther nodded. “Of course.”

Merlin ran off, quickly throwing a small smile at Uther before leaving the room. He found Arthur’s operating room. Merlin walked in as a screen was being placed by Arthur’s waist to block Arthur’s view of the surgery. Merlin took a seat on a stool near Arthur’s head. Merlin was suddenly struck by a thought and groaned. “I forgot my video camera. Blimey!”

Gaius cleared his throat. Merlin turned and saw him pointing to a camera in the corner.

“How’d you know?” Merlin asked.

“Ganieda told me you’d more than likely be a little scatterbrained when the time came for the birth. I’ve had a camera in my office just in case.” Gaius said.

Merlin grinned. “Thank you.”

Gaius nodded. “We’ll start the procedure now.”

Merlin started watching as they made an incision. As soon as he saw blood, he looked away. “I can’t believe they’re cutting into you, and you can’t even feel it.”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “That’s kind of how this works, Merlin. I’d kind of prefer not to think of what’s going on down there.”

Merlin nodded. “Right. Sorry.” He stroked Arthur’s hair. “Our daughter will be here soon. And she still doesn’t have a name.”

“I know.” Arthur said wearily.

“How about Meredith?”

“That sounds good. Meredith Emrys Pendragon.” Arthur turned his head. “What do you think?”

“I like it. I just am not 100% about it. I want our girl to have a name that is really distinctive and means something.”

“What about Hunith?” Arthur suggested.

Merlin smiled fondly at Arthur and kissed his forehead. “Thank you for suggesting that. But I don’t think so. I want our daughter to have her own name and not feel as if she has to live up to her namesake. It might be too much pressure.”

“Ok. I really liked Gabrielle. You liked it, too. What about that?”

Before Merlin could answer he became distracted as he looked around the room. There was something happening. The room started to shake slightly. Merlin walked over to Gaius. He almost gagged when he saw the hole they were cutting into Arthur’s abdomen. The shaking intensified slightly. “Is this normal?”

Gaius didn’t look up. “For a normal pregnancy no, for a magical one, yes.”

Merlin walked back over to Arthur. “That was one of the most disturbing things I’ve ever seen.”

“Didn’t need to know that.” Arthur said.

Merlin chuckled. He stopped suddenly. There was a definite shift in the air. He could feel the energy and magic everywhere. It was almost overwhelming. The lights in the room became brighter.

“What’s going on, Merlin?” Arthur asked uneasily.

“It’s magic. I can feel it all around me. Arthur, I have a feeling our daughter is going to be very powerful.”

“She’d have to be with us for parents.” Arthur said dryly.

“We’re almost there.” Gaius announced. The shaking in the room got more intense. The light became brighter; Merlin could see golden light everywhere. “Merlin, you may want to come and see this.”

Merlin hesitated. “Are you sure?”

“Yes!” Gaius said forcefully.

Merlin walked over and his mouth dropped open when he looked down. There was an almost blinding light coming from the hole inside Arthur. The baby was bathed in golden light and was floating upwards.

“What’s going on?” Arthur called out.

“It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” Merlin answered. Merlin reached forward slowly and picked up the baby. The light faded and Merlin could finally see the baby properly. “I take it back; this is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. The baby was covered in blood and go, but the only thing Merlin could focus on was her tiny face. She had a shock of blazing red hair. She had a nose that Merlin couldn’t quite say was either his or Arthur’s. Merlin could never see much of a difference in their noses, though he supposed Arthur’s was slightly pointier. Her small round mouth was definitely Merlin’s. She opened her eyes slowly and Merlin almost staggered back. Her eyes glowed gold, before fading to blue. Her eyes pierced right through him and something happened that he couldn’t quite describe.

The baby began crying and a nurse reached for her to cut the cord and examine the baby. Merlin slowly walked back to Arthur. He felt odd. His magic, which was always just thrumming beneath the surface, felt overpowering. Arthur looked up at him with wide eyes “What’s going on? Is there something wrong with the baby?”

Merlin quickly shook off his confusion. “No. No, she’s fine. She’s more than fine. She’s perfect. I’m just feeling a little odd. Something with my magic. I think...I think I may have absorbed the baby’s powers.”

“Like you did with your sister?”

“Yes. It feels the same way. Actually, no, it feels different. I feel ten times more powerful.” Merlin started to breathe heavily. He wondered if he tried a healing spell on Arthur now if it would work. Kilgarrah had said it would take a power greater than he alone possessed. With the baby’s power, he felt that he might have that now. He turned to Arthur slowly. He licked his lips. “I’m going to try something. Just trust me.”

Arthur looked at him in confusion, but nodded.

Merlin put his hand on his chest. He started saying the spell in Latin. When he got to the end, he felt an overwhelming power. He threw his head back and a large beam of light shot from his mouth. That was the last thing Arthur saw as he lost consciousness. 

 

~*~

Merlin got up and checked on Arthur for the tenth time that morning. Arthur had slept all night, never having regained consciousness after passing out in the delivery room. There had been one moment where his eyes flickered open briefly, but they closed soon afterward. Merlin was sure that he had done the right thing and that it had worked, but the longer Arthur stayed unconscious the more nervous he became that he may have done more harm than good. His routine all night had consisted of alternating between watching over Arthur and watching over their daughter.

Merlin almost didn’t notice Arthur’s eyes flickering open, too wrapped up in staring down at their beautiful daughter and memorizing every minute change in her expression. When he noticed Arthur start to stir, he got up carefully afraid of startling the baby. He wanted the first thing Arthur saw to be the baby.

It took Arthur a second to focus his blue eyes on the sight before him, but when he saw Merlin with the baby his eyes lit up. Merlin grinned widely at him. “Hi. Someone really wants to meet you.”

Arthur attempted to sit up. “Is that her?”

“No. Ours is being cleaned, so they just gave me this one to cuddle.” Merlin teased. Merlin knew that Arthur must still be feeling the effects of the drugs since he didn’t so much as raise an irritated eyebrow at his quip.

“She looks so small. Is she alright?” Arthur asked, worry tingeing his voice. 

“She’s perfect. But you should judge for yourself.” Merlin leaned down and carefully placed the baby in Arthur’s waiting arms. “Say hello to your daughter.”

Arthur bit his lip, tears welling in his eyes. “Oh my God,” he whispered. “She’s so beautiful.” He looked into her blue eyes and sucked in a breath. “Her eyes are exactly like I pictured.”

“Yeah.” Merlin smiled. “I never imagined her as a redhead.”

“Me neither. But it’s so cute. She looks like you.”

Merlin shook his head. “I think she looks like both of us.”

Arthur touched her tiny hands. “I can’t believe we made this. We’re parents, Merlin!” He gazed up at Merlin and reached for his hand. He closed his eyes. “I love you so much, Merlin. This is the most perfect moment in my life. I want to remember this exact feeling.”

Merlin squeezed Arthur’s hand. “I think we have many more perfect moments to come.”

Arthur opened his eyes. He cocked his head, suddenly looking confused. “What happened after the baby was born? You-you said you wanted to try something and then you touched my chest. I passed out after that. What did you do?”

Merlin leaned over and ran his hand over their daughter’s head. “I think - no, I know - that I...healed you. Actually,” he corrected himself. “I think it was more like _we_ healed you.” Merlin said, looking down at the baby.

Arthur’s mouth fell open. He shook his head in a daze. “What do you mean?”

Merlin sighed. “It sounds weird, but I was able to absorb the baby’s power, and with the strength of her powers and mine combined, I was able to successfully do a healing spell. I know it worked. I can _feel_ it.” He added quickly, “I told Gaius and he’s doing tests to confirm it.”

“Can you -” Arthur cleared his throat. “Take the baby.” Merlin picked their daughter up, cradling her against his chest, holding her head. Arthur put a hand to his stomach and took in some deep breaths. “Are you saying...that you think my cancer’s gone?”

Merlin couldn’t find his voice, so he just nodded.

Arthur exhaled loudly. “I don’t believe this. This is...” He closed his eyes, a tentative smile starting to form on his face. By the time he opened his eyes and looked up at Merlin, the smile that engulfed his face was so radiant Merlin could feel Arthur’s happiness and almost staggered back at the weight of this moment.

Merlin walked over and leaning over carefully he kissed Arthur tenderly, moving his lips over Arthur’s softly. He pulled back and stroked Arthur’s cheek, gazing into his eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Merlin took a quick step back and pulled a chair up by the bed and sat down. He looked down at the baby. “So daddy number one, I think we should settle on a name for her.”

Arthur quirked his eyebrow and chuckled. “Daddy number one?”

“Just trying it out,” Merlin grinned.

“Didn’t we settle on Gabrielle, before everything went a bit crazy?”

Merlin shook his head. “You mentioned it, but we hadn’t settled on it. I like it, but maybe more as a middle name.”

Arthur cocked his head slightly. “Do you have a name you’re thinking about?”

“Kind of. I was looking up names on-line last night and I came across a name that I really like. But I don’t know how you’ll feel about it.”

“What is it?”

Merlin looked down at the baby and smiled before looking up at Arthur. “Raphaella.”

The corners of Arthur’s mouth quirked up in a slight smile. He nodded, pondering the name. “Raphaella.”

“In Hebrew it means ‘healer.’ I thought it seemed appropriate,” Merlin explained.

Arthur smiled widely. “Let’s see how the baby likes it.” Merlin got up and stepped closer. He placed the baby in Arthur’s arms. “What do you think of that, little one? Do you feel like a Raphaella?” The baby gurgled. Arthur snorted in amusement. “I’m going to take that spit bubble as a yes.” He looked back up at Merlin. “I think she has a name.” 

Merlin merely nodded in response. Before he could say anything, a soft knock was heard at the door. “Yes?” He answered without looking over.

Ganieda stuck her head in. “I thought perhaps it was time my niece met her extended family. Is that alright?”

Merlin looked to Arthur. “Are you ready?”

Arthur took a deep breath. “I’m ready.”

Merlin nodded at Ganieda. She quickly stepped fully into the room, followed by Gwaine, Gwen, and Lance. Uther followed shortly after. He awkwardly stood apart from the group. Merlin scooped up the baby from Arthur. He walked over to his sister. “This is your aunt. I suppose you could call her my not quite better half. We shared a womb for nine months and she’s clung to me like a barnacle ever since.” Merlin chuckled loudly when Ganieda swatted his arm. “But in all seriousness, she’s the best sister anyone could ever ask for.”

Ganieda sniffled. “I do not want to cry on the baby. So shut up and give her to me.”

Merlin shook his head. “Did I forget to mention rudest sister you could ever ask for?”

“Merlin!” Ganieda practically stamped her foot.

“Alright, alright. You’re going to have to stop bouncing around.” After Ganieda stopped fidgeting, Merlin carefully placed the baby in Ganieda’s arms. 

“Oh! She’s so perfect.”

“She is.” Merlin stroked his daughter’s hair. “Arthur thinks she looks like me. But I think she looks like both of us.”

“I think...” Ganieda smiled as the baby cooed up at her. “I think she looks like me.”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “Of course you would think that.”

Gwaine looked over Ganieda’s shoulder. “I think she looks like the chick from _Brave_.

Everyone slowly turned to stare at him.

Too busy staring at the baby, Gwaine didn’t notice their stares for a few seconds. When he noticed all eyes on him, he simply shrugged. “What? She does. The hair’s not as wild yet but the shape of her face, her big blue eyes, her tiny nose...She’s the spitting image.”

“Leave it, love.” Ganieda said, looking up at Gwaine briefly. “She does not...” Ganieda cocked her head to the side as she looked at her niece. “Huh...perhaps she does.”

Merlin and Arthur laughed as Gwen took her turn with the baby. She cradled the baby and instantly started to tear up. “Don’t pay attention to Uncle Gwaine. I don’t think you look like a cartoon character. You’re a true original, like your parents.” She grinned up at Merlin and Arthur.

“Thank you, Guinevere,” Arthur said. His gaze trailed over to his father, who was staring at the baby, but still hanging back in the background. “Father, would you like to hold your granddaughter?”

Uther looked over at Arthur and then back at the baby and nodded. He slowly walked over to where Gwen was holding the baby. Gwen smiled up at him as she placed the baby in his arms. Arthur could see the exact moment Uther lost his heart to his granddaughter. He had the most genuine expression of happiness Arthur had ever seen from his father. His expression softened and a slow smile formed on his face. “She looks like you did when you were a baby. She looks like your mother.”

Arthur’s eyes started to mist over and he cleared his throat before speaking. “You really think so?”

“Yes.” He smiled down at the baby. “Have you given her a name yet?”

Arthur beamed up at Merlin. Merlin gave a slight nod, giving Arthur permission to relay the news to everyone. “We have. Say hello to Raphaella Gabrielle Emrys Pendragon.”

“Raphaella,” Uther repeated. “What a beautiful name for such a beautiful girl.”

“I agree,” Ganieda seconded.

Gwaine, Gwen, and Lancelot nodded.

A nurse came in and told them that it was time for the baby to be fed and everyone had to leave. The group groaned. As Uther and Ganieda tried to bargain with the nurse for more time, Lancelot finally got his chance to hold Raphaella.

Merlin leaned down and whispered in Arthur’s ear. “Do you want to tell everyone about your...cure?” Merlin awkwardly finished.

Arthur looked over at his father and his friend and pursed his lips. He shook his head slowly. “Not yet. I just want to wait until everything’s confirmed.” He quickly looked up at Merlin. “I trust you and I believe in my heart that everything’s alright. But I just...want to wait.”

Merlin ran a hand softly through Arthur’s hair and kissed the top of his head. “I understand.” No matter what Arthur believed in his heart, there was still a small part of him that was scared. He’d been living with this disease for so long, that he was still having trouble adjusting to the thought of everything being fine.

The nurse wouldn’t budge and was starting to shoo everyone out. Lancelot quickly walked over and placed Raphaella in Arthur’s arms. “She really is beautiful. I’m so happy for you two.” He gently squeezed Merlin’s hand before leaving.

Once everyone was gone the blonde nurse came over to the beaming couple. “Would you like to try breast feeding the baby?”

“I’m not sure if the word ‘like’ is accurate, but I’ll give it a try,” Arthur answered. He adjusted Raphaella and she quickly attached her lips to his nipple and began to suck. Arthur had a slight grimace on his face.

“How does it feel?” Merlin sat down next to him.

“It’s very weird. Not quite the most unpleasant experience ever, but I much prefer it when you do this.” The nurse chortled. Arthur snapped his gaze to her briefly. His face reddened. “Oh, right forgot you were there.” 

The nurse, her nametag read “Elena”, just grinned. “I can see you’ve got this under control. I’ll leave you alone with your daughter.”

After the nurse left, Merlin leaned closer to Arthur. He shook his head slightly, still not quite believing everything that had happened in the last 24 hours. “This has been _by far_ the strangest and most perfect 24 hours of my entire life.”

“Seconded,” Arthur said, kissing the baby’s forehead. He turned to Merlin and placed a soft, lingering kiss on his mouth. “I know I can’t stop saying this, but I love you.”

Merlin pulled back slowly. “Good. I don’t want you to ever stop.”

 

~*~

_One year later..._

After finishing his toast, Gwaine raised his glass. “To the bride and groom!” 

Everyone in the banquet hall raised their glasses as well and cheered. “To the bride and groom!”

Lance and Gwen turned to each other, looking impossibly besotted, and grinned madly at each other before sharing a brief kiss.

Gwaine raised a second glass and grinned cheekily. “And to the bridegrooms!” Everyone toasted them. “Now, I’d suggest you all cover up the kiddies' ears because I have some stories to tell about these two...”

Arthur and Merlin turned to each other and had an entire conversation with just quirked eyebrows and narrowed eyes.

_And you thought this was a good idea._

_I’m not the one who proposed, Arthur!_

_I’m not the one who suggested Gwaine as best man!_

A double wedding was not something either of them had planned for. In fact, as much as they loved each other, Arthur and Merlin hadn’t really discussed the idea of getting married at all. They’d been far too busy - and not just with raising Raphaella, though that presented an exceptional challenge. No matter how many baby books they read or help that they had - and they had a lot of help - nothing really prepared them for Raphaella’s erratic sleep schedule, banshee-like screaming at all hours of the night, and her diapers that smelled like the stench from the bowels of the underworld. Unfortunately, while she did have magic, unlike baby Merlin she could not change her own diapers.

Of course it wasn’t all bad. Raphaella was an adorably alert baby who just loved being around people. Arthur swore he could live on the sound of her laughter for the rest of his life. Merlin loved spending hours enthralling her with magic tricks.

Gaius confirmed what Arthur and Merlin already knew: that his cancer was in remission. Merlin and Arthur told their family and friends about what happened in the delivery room. If Raphaella didn’t already have Uther wrapped around her finger, that would have done it. His love for her grew even more. Uther could never be what you called cuddly, but he was a ridiculously doting grandfather. So Merlin and Arthur could better take care of her, Uther had given Arthur access to the trust his mother had left for him.

During the first month of Raphaella’s life, Merlin feared that Arthur was experiencing some kind of post-partum depression. He loved Raphaella clearly, but he was often moody and couldn’t sleep. He avoided spending time with their friends. It turned out not to be post-partum depression. When Merlin finally got Arthur to open up, he admitted that while he felt tremendously lucky to be cancer free, that he also felt a lot of guilt that he survived because of magic while there were others that weren’t so fortunate.

_”I don’t know if I deserve it.”_

_Merlin took his face in his hands and caressed his cheek. “Arthur, you daft prat.”_

_“Thank you, Merlin. I feel so much better about pouring my heart out to you,” Arthur deadpanned._

_Merlin laughed lightly. “I understand why you feel guilty, I really do. But if you ever wonder if you deserve this just look at your daughter... look at me. We love you and need you. You are a wonderful person who has been through more than his fair share of pain. You deserve to be happy. You feel guilty, fine, but don’t wallow in it. Do something about it.”_

So Arthur did. With the money from his trust, he opened a center for cancer patients to receive support, with trained professionals and/or interacting with other cancer patients and survivors. He was most proud of the team he assembled for cancer research. Maybe it was naive, maybe it was narcissism, but he truly hoped that someday a non-magical cure would be found and his team could be the force behind it.

He could think of no one better to head up his new team than Lance. Arthur was a very hands on boss and he actually enjoyed watching the team of doctors and scientists work. It was also nice to spend more time with Lance. On one particular night, they had an illuminating conversation that changed both of their lives.

Everyone was beyond thrilled when Lance finally proposed. Gwen started planning the wedding immediately. Unfortunately, her dream wedding was out of the question since they couldn’t afford it. It crushed Lance to not be able to make Gwen’s dreams come true. When he complained about it to Arthur, he suggested giving Lance an incredibly large advance on his salary. But Lance had too much pride to accept any type of charity.

_“This is my wedding. I’ll find a way to give Gwen the wedding she deserves.”_

_Arthur contemplated this for a long moment. “What if it wasn’t just your wedding?”_

_Lance rolled his eyes slightly. “I know it’s Gwen’s wedding, too...”_

_Arthur interrupted him. “No, I mean what if it was a double wedding?”_

_“I don’t know anyone else getting married.”_

_“What about Merlin and me?”_

It had just popped out without Arthur really thinking about it. But once he said it aloud, it just felt right. So once he had Lance on board, he got around to trying to come up with the perfect proposal for Merlin. He knew it was a total cliché, but he set up their room with candles and rose petals strewn about and left a note on the TV for Merlin to watch a tape he had prepared.

When Merlin started the tape, he saw Arthur dressed in a handsome three piece suit, standing in their bedroom.

_“Hello, my love. I know you’re wondering, but you haven’t forgot an anniversary. I just started thinking today about how we first met. You weren’t expecting me and I certainly was not prepared for you. You were singing spectacularly off-key...”_

_“It wasn’t that bad,” Merlin huffed._

_“Yes, it was that bad,” Arthur answered. “But I loved it. You were dancing and half-naked and so happy. I think it was the perfect expression of who you are. You are the most joyful, open, and free person I’ve ever known. You haven’t changed from the moment I met you. And I never want you to. But I have changed a great deal because of you. I am healthier, stronger, and happier than I’ve ever been in my life. You’ve given me the greatest daughter in the world. You have literally saved my life. I don’t know where I’d be without you and I never want to find out.” Arthur got down on one knee._

_Merlin, tears welling in his eyes, almost fell off the bed. “Oh my God.”_

_“That is why I-” The tape cut off, static appearing on the screen._

_Merlin shot up off the bed. “What the fuck?” He stalked toward the television. “Where’s the rest of it?”_

_“Right here.”_

_Merlin whirled around. Arthur was kneeling in the doorway, a simple gold band in his left hand. Merlin covered his mouth, stifling a sob._

_“I wanted to do this part in person.” Merlin stood frozen in the middle of the room. “Uh, Merlin do you want to get a little closer?” Merlin didn’t respond. “Alright.” Arthur shuffled forward on his knees. “That’s better,” he took Merlin’s hand in his own. “Merlin Emrys, you are the love of my life and it would give me no greater pleasure than if you would agree to be my husband. Will you marry me?”_

_Merlin took a deep breath, wiping his eyes. He knelt in front of Arthur. He took his face in his hands and kissed him. “Yes.”_

“...and I don’t know about you, but the fact that everyone ended up covered in lube made it an even more fun night.” Gwaine was finishing up his toast.

Arthur and Merlin continued to glare at each other, occasionally rolling their eyes at Gwaine’s comments.

Gwaine turned to them. “In all seriousness, you two are my heroes. You are the bravest and strongest men that I know. Watching you two overcome everything you did at the beginning of your relationship and be so unconditionally supportive has inspired me, and you know that’s a damn hard thing to do.”

Arthur and Merlin’s eyes softened and they smiled at each other.

“You both deserve nothing but the best and I know that you’ve found that in each other. I love you guys,” Gwaine finished, raising his glass. Arthur and Merlin got up and hugged him, while everyone else clapped.

 

~*~

The reception was in full swing. Couples were out on the dance floor, including Lance and Gwen, to Florence + the Machine’s “You’ve Got the Love.” Merlin and Arthur sat at their table, Merlin seated in Arthur’s lap with Arthur’s arms around him. Arthur threw his head back and laughed when he saw Ganieda dragging his father out on the dance floor and awkwardly tried to get him to move his hips.

“As amusing as this is, I think I should go and rescue your father from my sister. This can only end in tears,” Merlin said. He got up, turning around and planting a long, wet kiss on Arthur’s lips. He jogged over to Ganieda and Uther. “Alright, Gannie you’ve had your fun. Leave the poor man alone.”

Ganieda turned around and pouted. “I’m just trying to loosen him up. You don’t mind, do you, Uthie?” One look at Uther’s narrowed eyes and pursed lips told a different story. “Oh, fine. I’d rather spend time with someone less grumpy anyway.”

Merlin shook his head as Ganieda walked away. “Don’t mind her. I think she’s just a little bit tipsy.”

“Isn’t she always like that?” Uther asked imperiously.

“That’s true,” Merlin grinned. He looked up at Uther curiously. “I don’t suppose this would be a good time to ask if I can call you dad?” Uther’s slight grunt was his answer. “I suppose not.”

The two stood awkwardly, each looking around wondering when would be the best time to flee toward friendlier companions. Uther was the first to break the silence. “It was a lovely ceremony.”

Merlin smiled genuinely. “Thank you.” He looked pensive for a moment before chuckling quietly. “Two years ago, if someone had told me you would be at Arthur and my wedding, I would have told them to stop taking the piss.” He smiled, but his expression soon hardened. “I used to really...hate you.”

Uther’s eyes widened. This wasn’t really news to him, but he was surprised Merlin was bringing it up at his wedding. “I understand-

“I don’t think you do. I’ve never hated anyone in my life, didn’t think it was in me.” He shook his head. "It wasn’t just about what you did to Arthur, though that would have been plenty enough. But I have had to deal with wankers who judged me for having magic my entire life. It gets easier, but it’s always hard to have people think that they know you and look at you like you’re some kind of freak. To think that Raphaella was going to have to experience that, from her own grandfather made me sick."

“You know that Raphaella...she means the world to me,” Uther looked around with discomfort. “Do you think that this is the best time or place to be bringing this up?”

“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to insult you. I meant to say something else and it just came out wrong. I know that you love her. I know that you’ve been trying really hard this last year. Arthur and I both really appreciate it. I know that it’s not easy to change, and I respect you for admitting you were wrong and trying to make it up to Arthur. He really does need you.”

Uther gripped Merlin’s shoulder. “Thank you…son.”

~*~

“Where’s my Ella?” Ganieda cooed at Arthur.

Arthur rolled his eyes. “I’m not sure where any Ella is, but I can tell you where my daughter _Raphaella_ is.”

This had become kind of a running joke between Arthur and Ganieda. The nickname was a pet peeve of Arthur’s ( _If we had wanted to name her Ella, that’s what we would have done_ ) and Ganieda liked annoying him by calling her that constantly. And it wasn’t just Ganieda. Gwaine insisted on keeping up the _Brave_ joke by sometimes calling her Merida. Even Gwen would often call her Rapunzel, due to her extremely long, straight hair.

Ganieda grinned. “Where is my beautiful niece?”

Arthur pointed to a spot over Ganieda’s shoulder. “She’s dancing with your beautiful boyfriend.”

Ganieda turned around and put her hand over her heart. Gwaine had Raphaella in his arms and had one of her hands in his, pretending to lead, while he danced around with her. “Isn’t he precious?”

“That’s one word for him,” Arthur joked.

Ganieda laughed. She sat down beside Arthur. Looking over at Uther and Merlin, Ganieda grimaced. “It looks kind of serious over there.”

Arthur shrugged. “It looks a little tense. But I’ve seen my father look more uptight when he’s accidentally stumbled upon pop songs on the radio. I think they’ll be okay.”

Ganieda grinned when Uther and Merlin shook hands. Merlin smiled broadly at the man. Ganieda took Arthur’s hand. “Thank you.”

Arthur looked at her, furrowing his brow. “What for?”

“Look at my brother. I swear it looks like he’s floating. I’ve never seen him so happy and it’s because of you.”

“It’s been my pleasure.”

Ganieda squeezed Arthur’s hand. Before she could say anything, she looked over his shoulder and squealed in delight. “They’re so adorable!”

Arthur glanced behind him and smiled instantly. Gwaine was walking over slowly, holding Raphaella’s hand as she tottered over slowly. She was looking up at Gwaine and giggling. She adored him. Arthur always said he thought it was because Gwaine was the only one who could decipher Raphaella’s babbling.

Gwaine picked her up as he got to them. “Someone wanted to see her daddy.”

Arthur stood up. “Is that right? Did you want to see daddy?” He stroked her red hair. She nodded. He took her out of Gwaine’s arms and sat down with his daughter. He smoothed out her white dress with green ribbon in the middle. “Everyone says you look so pretty.” Raphaella babbled excitedly.

“She knows and obviously agrees,” Gwaine “translated.” Ganieda grinned. She grabbed his face and kissed him. “What was that for?”

“You’re being so lovely; I thought you deserved a kiss.”

“I like that kind of logic. If I continue being lovely, what else are you going to give me besides a kiss?” Gwaine leered.

Arthur cleared his throat. “Child present.”

Ganieda and Gwaine rolled their eyes. “You spoil all the fun,” Gwaine pouted.

“It’s bad enough I have to deal with listening to your gross come ons, Raphaella shouldn’t have to as well.” Arthur looked at the couple before him. Ganieda was looking at Gwaine adoringly and Gwaine was running his hands up and down her back, smiling at her. “So…Lance and Gwen are married. So are Merlin and I. I suppose that just leaves you two.”

Gwaine turned to look at him. “Your point?”

“Nothing.” Arthur feigned innocence. “Just wondering when you’re going to make an honest woman out of my sister.”

“First of all, Arthur, I don’t need anyone to make an honest woman of me. Gwaine and I are doing just fine with our current arrangement. Secondly, aww you called me your sister. That’s so sweet.”

Arthur grinned. “It’s how I’ve always thought of you. Now, it’s official.” Ganieda ran over and kissed his cheek. Arthur whispered in her ear. “You mean to tell me you’ve never thought about it?”

“I never said that.” She looked over at Gwaine, who was watching Lance and Gwen dance. “Let’s just say don’t make any plans for August 15, 2014.” She looked at him knowingly, trying to suppress a grin.

“I’ll make sure we save the date,” Arthur winked at her.

 

~*~

“Baba,” Raphaella babbled.

Arthur knelt in front of her. “Can you say ‘daddy’, Raphaella?” He pointed to himself. “Daddy?”

Merlin laughed behind him. He kissed the top of Arthur’s head. “Stop pressuring her, Arthur.”

“I’m not pressuring her,” Arthur sputtered indignantly. “I’m just trying to help her progress with her vocabulary.”

“She doesn’t have a vocabulary.”

“Exactly,” Arthur said as if that explained everything.

Merlin picked up Raphaella. “Isn’t daddy silly?” Raphaella blew a raspberry at him. “I couldn’t have said it better myself.”

“Where are you going?” Arthur asked as Merlin started to walk away.

“I have a surprise for you,” Merlin called back. He took Raphaella over to Uther. “Do you want to see your grandfather?” Raphaella giggled and hid her face behind her hair. Merlin placed her in Uther’s arms.

“Hello, sweet girl.” He pulled Raphaella’s hair away from her face and used her hair to play peak-a-boo with her. Raphaella laughed.

Merlin walked to the stage upfront and picked up a microphone. “Hello. If I could have everyone’s attention please?” Everyone slowly stopped their conversations and those on the dance floor stopped dancing. “If everyone could have a seat please. And Arthur come up here. I have a surprise for my husband.”

Everyone started to take a seat as Arthur made his way up to Merlin. Arthur was beaming, ridiculously giddy over Merlin’s use of the word ‘husband.’ It was the first time he’d referred to him that way and Arthur felt overwhelmed by how natural it sounded and how happy he was. When Arthur got up to the stage, Merlin took his hand.

“I think everyone here knows that I have been working for the last couple of years on a documentary about Arthur and his struggle with cancer and his pregnancy and the birth of our daughter, Raphaella. It also deals with the first year of her life and Arthur’s new cancer support and research center, Camelot. Well, I’ve finally finished editing it.” Arthur turned to him in surprise. He knew Merlin got all the footage he needed, but not that he had the finished project all done. “I’m not going to show the whole thing to everyone yet. I want my husband to be the first one to see it, but I put together some highlights and would like to show them to you.”

Everyone clapped excitedly. Merlin turned to Arthur and gave him a quick kiss, before nudging him to take a seat. Merlin set up a screen in front. He ran over and collected Raphaella from Uther and sat down beside Arthur with their daughter in his lap. He turned around and indicated to Gwaine in the back to start the digital projector. Arthur clasped Merlin’s hand as the screen filled with Merlin’s face.”

“Hi. I just wanted to give everyone a little preview of my documentary. The period of time that this covers has been the most intense and rewarding period of my life. There are moments here that I laughed until my sides ached. And then...there were the times that I thought the sadness would break me. But I don’t regret it...not a single moment. We have a beautiful, smart, and wonderful daughter. And I am now married to the only man I’ve ever loved or will ever love. I want everyone to see this and know what a brave, infuriating, funny, smart, and thoughtful man that he is. I want everyone to be inspired by him, the way he inspires me every day. This is for you, Arthur.”

Merlin looked over at Arthur. Arthur was squeezing his hand tightly. His bottom lip was quivering, as tears streamed down his face. He turned and nodded shakily at Merlin. Merlin’s smile was warm as he wiped Arthur’s tears. “I love you, too.”

Merlin watched Arthur as he watched the screen. He loved being able to see the different emotions flitting across Arthur’s face. Merlin gripped Raphaella a little tighter and Arthur grabbed her hand when they watched Arthur’s first ultrasound and heard her heartbeat for the first time. Arthur cringed when Merlin documented his whining about growing breasts. And turned and glared at Merlin when there was an up close view of said breasts. Arthur looked just as exhilarated watching his first helicopter ride as he had been when it happened. Everyone had a good laugh watching Gwen take Arthur maternity clothes shopping. Merlin wondered how Arthur didn’t sprain his eyeballs with the number of times he rolled his eyes.

Arthur knew it was coming but closed his eyes briefly when his chemo treatment was shown and then how sick he got. Merlin rubbed circles on his back. Arthur smiled at him to let him know he was okay. As if she knew what was coming, Raphaella started to babble excitedly just before they watched Arthur and Merlin in the delivery room. Arthur kissed the top of her head. “This is when you and your daddy save me.” Raphaella reached for his face and he kissed her fingers as he looked up at Merlin. As the screen faded to black everyone cheered and clapped. Arthur leaned over and kissed Merlin tenderly. “Thank you.”

“Did you really like it?”

Arthur was surprised at how nervous Merlin looked. “You’ve done a wonderful job, Merlin. It was beautiful. I can’t wait to see the entire film. My husband is very talented.” He kissed Merlin again.

“Could I have everyone’s attention please?” Gwen announced. Everyone turned to her. “I too have a surprise for my new husband.”

“Really?” Arthur said dubiously. “I don’t see how she can possibly top your surprise.”

Merlin grinned devilishly. “You may be surprised.”

“What do you know?”

Merlin shrugged, feigning innocence.

Gwen continued. “While I love all of you, there has been one guest at this wedding who is especially close to my heart.” She grabbed Lance’s hand. “While it didn’t get to see everything, I think it had the best seat in the house.” She smiled and placed Lance’s hand on her stomach.

There were several gasps in the audience right away, but it took poor Lance several beats to put it together. When it finally clicked, Lance’s eyes bulged comically. “You’re...”

“I’m pregnant!” Gwen squealed. Lance gaped at her briefly, before grinning broadly and sweeping her into his arms. There was more clapping and others crowded the happy couple.

Arthur turned to Merlin. “Ganieda?”

Merlin chuckled. “No, Gwen told me.” He bounced Raphaella on his knee. “Aren’t you excited, Raphaella? You’re going to have a new little cousin to play with. But don’t worry, you’ll always be the cutest.” Arthur nodded. They got up to congratulate the new parents to be.

~*~

There wasn’t a single person who could hear Raphaella’s laugh and not either melt into a pile of goo and/or start grinning, too. Everyone’s eyes were drawn to Arthur and Merlin as they danced with their daughter to Natasha Bedingfield’s “Love like This.” Every time Arthur dipped her she would giggle uproariously. When a song lyric said “put one finger in the air” Merlin lifted up her little finger and rocked side to side. Everyone was laughing and clapped when the song finished. Merlin peppered Raphaella’s face with kisses. He walked over to where Gwen and Lancelot were seated. Lancelot had his arms wrapped around her, whispering into a giggling Gwen’s ear.

Gwen looked up at the two of them and her grin spread impossibly wider. “Hi. You three were putting on quite an adorable show.”

“It’s hard not to be cute with a face like this.”

“I know. I just want to pinch her cheeks all the time,” Gwen said.

“I was talking about me,” Merlin teased. Gwen rolled her eyes slightly and Lance laughed. “Would you mind holding Raphaella for a few minutes?”

“Of course not. I never mind getting to spend time with my favorite girl.”

Merlin grinned as he placed Raphaella in Gwen’s arms. “Better not let Ganieda here you say that.” Gwen smiled. “I guess you can consider this practice now.”

Gwen nodded. “That’s true.”

“And Arthur said he’d be willing to lend you some of his old maternity pants. We’ve just been using them as couch covers.”

Gwen and Lance burst out laughing, startling Raphaella. Gwen put her arms around her. “Sorry, baby. Your dad is too much sometimes.” Gwen shook her head and looked at Merlin affectionately. “Thank you for the offer. But I think when the time comes we’ll get new maternity clothes. Besides, you may want to hang on to it. Perhaps you and Arthur will want a brother or sister for Raphaella.”

Merlin looked down, fidgeting with his hands. “Maybe.”

 

~*~

Arthur watched Merlin talking to the DJ. The man nodded his head quickly and Merlin turned around and walked towards Arthur purposefully. When he got to him, Merlin took his hand and led him to the dance floor. There was some feedback as the DJ spoke into the microphone. “If everyone could step off the dance floor. Merlin would like to share a dance with his husband to a special song that is close to both their hearts.”

Arthur quirked his eyebrow at Merlin, a question clearly written in his expression. Merlin didn’t say anything, just looked steadily into Arthur’s eyes. The soft melody of a piano started and Arthur recognized it instantly. He bit his lip as Ingrid Michaelson’s version of “Can’t Help Falling in Love with You” began to play. Merlin took the lead and they began to sway gently. Arthur squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. “How sentimental of you, Merlin."

“You’re such a girl.”

“You’re such a girl.” They said simultaneously. After a beat, they both laughed.

“Do I know my husband or do I know my husband?” Merlin declared smugly.

Arthur rolled his eyes, but couldn’t hide his smile. “Yes, you do.” He laid his head on Merlin’s shoulder as they continued to dance.

“Since I know you so well, I can assume I know what you’re going to say to this. But I was wondering what you would do if I told you I was pregnant?”

Arthur stepped on his foot.

“Ow! I suppose I should have seen that coming.”

“I’m sorry,” Arthur said distractedly. He grabbed Merlin by the shoulders. “But did you say that you’re pregnant?”

“No. I said ‘what would you do if I told you I was pregnant.’ I’m not pregnant,” Merlin clarified.

Arthur looked to the skies and exhaled a long breath. “Thank God!” He looked at Merlin, hitting him lightly on the arm. “Next time, lead with that please. You scared me.” He was already starting to sweat a little.

Merlin nodded sadly. “I guess I have my answer.” The subject of more children wasn’t something they’d really broached before. Raphaella’s conception was such a surprise and raising her had taken all of their focus and energy. Merlin knew that either of them getting pregnant was a possibility and had taken precautions against that happening after Raphaella was born.

Arthur looked at Merlin in confusion. He waited until Merlin met his eyes again. “What does that mean?”

“I just didn’t expect you to be _so_ relieved. Would getting pregnant be such a bad thing? I know that having Raphaella has been quite an adjustment, but we’ve managed to handle it. If there was another baby, we could handle that, too.”

Arthur looked taken aback. “Yes, we’ve managed to adjust, Merlin. But it’s still a struggle every day. We’re both so busy and Raphaella’s changing every day. It’s hard to keep up with. Throwing another child on top of that would...it just wouldn’t make sense. Honestly, do you want another baby right now?”

Merlin thought about it and finally sighed. “No, not right now. But I want to know that it’s a possibility for the future. I want more kids, eventually. I want to know if you want that, too.”

Arthur smiled. He drew Merlin close to him. “Look at our daughter.” He pointed over to where Raphaella was being cooed over by Ganieda, Gwen, and Uther. Merlin looked at her and a slow smile spread across his face. “We made something that is so _perfect_ , of course I want to do it again. But I would like to be more prepared next time. I want us to have more time together and to make sure that we give Raphaella the attention she deserves before we add to the family. Do you understand?”

Merlin looked back at him and nodded. “Yes, that does make sense.” He buried his face in Arthur’s shoulder. “I’m sorry for overreacting.”

Arthur stroked his hair as they started to dance again. “It’s alright.”

“I think maybe I’m just trying to find something else to focus on since the movie’s over. I don’t know what I’m going to do next.”

Arthur pursed his lips as he thought about it for a moment. “Well, we’ve worked on my list. Perhaps we can get started on yours.”

“Perhaps...” He grinned devilishly at Arthur. “Do you know the first thing on my list?”

Arthur shook his head.

“I want to see my husband go skinny dipping on our honeymoon.”

Arthur grinned back at Merlin. “I think that can be arranged.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

Merlin put his arms around Arthur’s neck. “Oh, this list thing is going to be fun.”

Arthur laughed, kissing Merlin soundly. He couldn’t agree more.


End file.
